Memoirs of A Ningen Girl
by Skywalkerduh
Summary: Ningen, Human. Thats all I was, a Human. Nothing more than his pet...and yet, I was his most coveted treasure.
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

He haunts me.

Every moment of every day. I am at a loss for words. My Lord, My Savior, My protector...I think of him constantly and Its becoming difficult to be in his very presence. Simple glances in my direction cause me to become weak in the knees. This is absurd. This should not be happening. He is my Lord, I his ward. Nothing more. Then why do I feel, The way I do? Why do I find myself imagining him holding me close to his chest? Or for once acknowledging my presence, not just nodding in my direction. Why do I berate myself with these questions? Why do I expect so much from someone who gives me so little? He is Lord Sesshomaru, The Stoic Demon Lord of the West, he cares for no one..Then why do I expect him to do so for me? Could it be that I am wasting my time on someone who clearly doesn't harbor such feelings as love?

He teases me.

Every second of every minute. He notices the changes in my hair and clothing, yet he says nothing. He notices that my body is no longer that of a child, but that of a woman, yet he barely looks at me. I am asked constantly for my hand in marriage, yet he declines them. He tells them that I am not to be wed until I so wish to...But who is he to make such a comment on my behalf? He does not know what I wish, want, or feel about the matter! He doesn't ask me. How can he decide who I will spend the rest of my life with? Yes, He resurrected me from the dead but, I didn't ask him to. I didn't ask him to bring me back to the cruel world that had already claimed my life. I was to remain dead. My remains to become one with the soil, And find peace in the after life with my family. That was my destiny...

He hates me.

Every day of every week. He talks about how he needs an heir, and how it has to be a full blooded demon such as himself. He always says that he should choose a mate soon, to ensure that if something were to happen to him, then there would be another in his place. He stares at me intently with his golden eyes when he says these things but, I dare not look. I do not wish to see the one I love, look at me with such a smug face as if to insult my humanity. I don't know what happened...He was never like this before...When I was a child he was so much nicer to me. He never really said much, or did anything special...But he wasn't so cruel as he is now. He treats me as if I am just some piece of furniture that he neither wants to keep or throw away, just something that he keeps just for the hell of it. He makes me feel like nothing...Less than a being, but more than dirt under his boots...

He wants me.

Every night of every month. He comes to my rooms down the hall from his. He waits until it is completely dark, and everyone is sleep. It is his palace, yet he sneaks around in the dark like some bandit in the night...Every night I pretend to be sleep, and when he enters my room, I make sure to slow my breath so that he will not notice the increase in my heart beat. I lay there and I listen. For a couple moments he just sits there and watches me 'sleep'. Then he moves the hair out of my face. I stir a little to make it look as though I am really asleep, and he takes the bait...just like every other night. And just before he goes he caresses my cheek and tells me that I am his only treasure, that I am every man's desire, that I am the picture of innocence...After his many secret confessions he stands up to leave and just before he leaves he calls me, beloved. Then, unbeknownst to him...In the darkness of the night...I smile...

He loves me.

I can see it. Every month of every year. The look in his eyes-uncertainty, doubt, fear. With every month I am a little older. With every year, I am a little closer to dying; and it kills him! Unsure of what to do: Love me, Take me! Or Deny me, Give me to another! He goes back and forth, I can see it in his eyes. I can see it in his movements, his actions. Its ridiculous! The Great Lord Sesshomaru acts like some kind of selfish insecure child! He cannot put it off much longer. Procrastination will only get him so far. He loves me and yet he..._hesitates_.

He loves me!

And yet...**_It scares him_****.**


	2. Silence

Chapter One: Silence

Jasmine. Even as I slowly awoke from my slumber I could distinctly smell the strong aroma of Jasmine. I kept my eyes closed, and turned a little to the right. I could hear two sets of footsteps coming down the hall. _A couple more seconds and..._

The door to my room is pushed back roughly. By the unnecessary aggressiveness, I can tell it is my ladies in waiting. Two lower class female demons, who were assigned to be on my beck and call, tending to my every need. Although that is what they are ordered to do, they are known to do the exact opposite. For example, even as they walk past me lying on my futon. My hair is in a disarray, My legs tangled between sheets, my mouth ajar, and my eyes closed. They assume I am asleep-_Their assumptions are wrong._

Growing up in the presence of someone who barely speaks, and keeps a blank face on at all times, I have picked up on a few things. And, Because of this, As my most 'loyal' servants run my bath water I can hear every single word uttered in their conversation, and still manage to keep the guise of a oblivious, sleeping girl.

"Uh, I tell you, I am getting sick of this! She can get up and make her own bath! She's no child anymore. I tell you she's just a spoiled, lazy human!"

That was Rihu.

"Well, we can't have Lord Sesshomaru's precious human walking around dirty, now can we? Oh, no! We must make sure she smells oh so desirable. We have to get Jasmine from the gardens, for her bath. Nothing, less will do."

And that is Hatun.

"I hope she doesn't think Our Lord, will find her more desirable by putting on such a simple fragrance."

"If anything, he will be repulsed! Its not as if she had looks goin' for her."

The two shared a laugh, as the put the jasmine into the tub. I stirred a little, made a couple noises indicating I was on the verge of waking up.

"Oh! Hurry, lets go before she wakes. I don't like the feel of her dead eyes upon me."

The two women, stood quickly, and headed for the door.

"Rihu? Hatun?" I made my voice sound as innocent as possible. I rose from my futon, propped myself on one arm, and wiped my eye with the other. "Is that you?"

The two demons froze at the door, I heard one swear under their breath as they both turned around. They knelt on the floor with their heads bowed. "How may we assist you Lady Rin?" They chorused in unison.

"Is my bath ready yet?" My voice that of a whiny child.

"Of course, my lady."Hatun replied.

I stood lazily from my futon, and walked over to where they knelt. As I came to a stop in front of them, I could see the tension in their body. Being so close to a human must sicken them. With a pat on their head, I dismissed them. This had angered them...As soon as they closed my door, I heard them whisper, _"Filthy Ningen."_

I smirked as I walked to my tub. Filthy Ningen? Hmph. Yesterday, it was 'Stupid Ningen'. The day before, 'Pitiful Ningen'. Were they ever going to accept that their words don't bother me? I am human, but that does not falter my pride. I hear their words. But I still hold my head high, for that was how I was raised. Lord Sesshomaru had raised no weakling.

As I undressed, I looked into the mirror at my reflection. Seventeen Summers. Today, I have been on this world seventeen summers. I turn to the sides and admire my curves. Time sure has been good._ "If anything, he will be repulsed! Its not as if she had looks goin' for her."_ Rihu's words come crashing down on me as I face forward, and study myself more intently.

Thick, wild, black hair hangs down my back. I try to put my fingers through, but to no avail. Even to the right side, there is still the small ponytail I had since I was but a young girl. I cannot part with it, _It was how mother used to do my hair..._

Large, Brown eyes stare back at me. Although they are a pretty color...they hold no life in them-not like when I was a child. Now they look intense, as if looking for something and at the same time the look as if there is no hope. They almost like as if in a trance..as if...

I hold out my arm, for inspection. My eyes get a little wider. When did my skin get so dark?! I could have sworn I was once almost a porcelain color, now I am a rich ivory color. _What I wouldn't give to go back in time and listen to Master Jaken when he told me to get out of the sun, or else I would become the color of tatami mats!_

I peered down at my feet, and lifted up my heel. Calloused. All those years running around barefoot, like some wild little urchin! _Oh, kami! I am a mess!_

I walked to the tub and sunk my body into its hot, steamy waters. I pulled my knees to my chest, resting my chin atop them, Thoughts seem to come from my subconscious and overwhelm me.

After all these years I have blindly followed after him, without question. Now, upon Naraku's defeat, we are living in his palace. No longer walking around aimlessly, So now I do not follow, because he needs his space so he can run his lands. He needs privacy, so he can contemplate his thoughts. He needs, silence so he can enjoy the sound of no sound what so ever and enjoy its peace. I do not follow, but I have questions! I question why he must have me supervised at all times. Why, He has ordered all male demons to vacate the premises when he is away on patrol. I even question this whole living situation! Why must His chambers be in the Northeast wing, and mine In the Southwest? He tries to avoid me at all costs. The only time I see him is either because many other royal officials are present, or by mere coincident. Never are we in each others company, and it is just the two of us. _Never_ that!

I let my head slowly dip back until my entire body was submerged under water. The warmness encircling my body as, Five words echoed in the acoustics of my mind.

"Why does he avoid me?"

Later that morning

I walked into the Main Dining hall, for breakfast. I can already smell the fried meats, and toasted breads, I hurried my pace a little faster. The long, Royal blue and silver kimono that went to almost my ankles made it hard to walk. As I round a corner, I can hear a crowd of hushed whispers. The closer I get the clearer the voices became.

"This morning she had the audacity to pat me on the head, like I was some kind of pet. I tell you, if she was not Our lord's ward, I would have gladly broken her pretty little wrist."

"Wait. So your telling me...she pet you on the head and you did nothing? I don't care who's ward she is! She would have gotten what's coming to her!"

"How dare she! A human, dare come in this palace and expect to be treated as equals? Some one should do something. This is absolutely absurd!"

"Let's just calm down. Today is her seventeenth year, correct?"

I didn't hear a reply, but shortly after the voice continues.

"Well, she is way past the age to be married so...we might just be in luck. Why would the lord want some grown, filthy ningen around? He will surely marry her off before the next moon cycle, I'm sure of it!"

"Is that right? So, lets make a wager. If she lasts longer than a month, you owe me a months pay! Deal?"

Another silence.

"Deal. But just remember when you lose don't come crying back to me begg-"

"What is it?"

"You smell that? It smells like...ugh, the human must be coming...Quick close your noses!"

I turned the corner just in time to see them all staring at me with disgust. As I looked at each one, they all had their hands to their faces. Two, of them, Hatun and Rihu, merely looked down. The other three, stood in the middle of the hall, blocking my way to the kitchen.

I stood about two feet, away from one of the demoness'. "Excuse me."

Her red eyes glared back at me, "You're excused."

I took a deep breath. Today may have been my birthday, but to them, it was just another day to torment me. By the look in her eyes I knew this was going to get out of control. By degrading her friends earlier, she felt as though it was her duty to stand up for them, since they couldn't do it themselves.

"So, ningen...it seems as though you are a little older."

I nodded my head solemnly.

"Well, It seems gifts are in order!"

Before I knew it, Before I even seen it coming, she had me against the wall. Her large brown hands pinned my shoulders back, as another slapped me in the face. I opened my mouth to scream, but was slapped even harder in the face. This time it took me a second to recover, and when I did, I was on the floor. I rolled onto my stomach and tried to crawl away, but they seemed to gang up on. One held my ankles down, One sat atop my back and grabbed a handfuls of my hair.

"Never think you're superior to us, ningen! You are a lowly, disgusting, waste of life."

With every word she pushed my head into the ground, Each time sending me deeper into unconsciousness. As they beat me, I did not fight back. I did not cry. I did not scream, And instead, I took the beating. Each hit I took it in silence. I will not give them any satisfaction! Even though the punches, and slaps hurt like hell! They will not see it written on my face. A wise man once told me, '_If you maintain a blank slate, then you can mask everything-including your weakness.'_ With Sesshomaru's words, it made the beating more bearable. Just the thought of his deep, masculine, voice kept my sane as my face became a tool to reconstruct the floor.

I suddenly heard Hatun and Rihu, speaking very fast from a couple feet away.

"Oh no! We are not going to be apart of this! Lika, you are going way too far!" Hatun exclaimed.

"She is right! You are taking this to the extreme! You are our friend, but you just...you have taken this to a whole new level!" Rihu yelled.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I can see the scared look in their eyes. Hatun grabbed Rihu by the arm, yanking her down the opposite hallway. "Come Rihu, we will not be the victim of our lords wrath when he finds out!" With that the two quickly disappeared, leaving me helpless as these spiteful demons held me captive on the ground.

The demon 'Lika' gave a loud cackle, and put even more of her wait on my back."What's wrong? You look like you wanna say something?"

This time instead of pushing my head into the groung she lifted it up, "Go ahead and scream. Lord Sesshomaru can't save you. You know why? Huh? Does the stupid human know why?"

She pushed my head back into the ground. "Answer me!"

All I could do was mouth out a 'no'.

"Well, Lord Sesshomaru wanted to give you the best gift he could! You know what that was? Huh, stupid human?"

I shook my head.

She loosened her grip on my hair, climbed off my back and knelt down next to me. The demon who was holding my ankles let go and stood behind the demon with red eyes, a smirk held tightly on her face.

"Well..." The demon came close to me and whispered in my ear. "Lord Sesshomaru wanted to make sure you were happy on this most glorious day, so he went to one of the neighboring villages and went to speak to the village leader. To see if any male was available, so you could be wed."

I looked at her with wide eyes. She can't be serious. He wouldn't! He would never. I knew I was a handful at times but...He wouldn't do that to me. "Lies."

She looked down at me with such a smile, I wouldn't be surprised if she would have tried to eat me. She bared her fangs, as she did so. "Honestly. If you don't believe me ask the imp. He's in the library, as we speak looking up information on 'human marriages'...A waste of time if you ask me..."

I took a deep breath and with all the strength I could muster, hoisted myself of the ground and onto my feet. The throbbing on the side of my head was so intense. As I looked at the women who had beaten me for almost no reason, My head started to spin. I held onto the wall, trying to shift some of my weight. The leader of the three, came face to face, her large, beak like nose in my face. "Listen, up girl. If anyone finds out about this..." She shook her dead slowly, "Let's just say it won't look so good for you." She gave a small smile before she and the other demoness' left down the same hallway as Hatun and Rihu.

I slowly made my way to the library. Every step causing excruciating pain. After a while I stopped. I couldn't do it. Its too much. The pain is unbearable! Its not even worth my time even walking to the library. So what if, its true? What then? I cannot speak out against him. I can't question his motives. He has decided what is best in the end, for all of us, even if it seems some what unfair. I tried to convince myself that all this was true. But some how...It wasn't working. Some where deep down, I knew that he cared for me. After all these years he has some inkling of a feeling. With just that little bit of hope..That small slimmer of hope, I made my way through the long hall ways. Hoping that when I opened the door to the library, jaken would not be there, Thus meaning Sesshomaru was not in a human village, trying to arrange a marriage. But then again, that was just hope.

I slid the door open, only to see that hope was indeed something with feathers. Because right here, in the dead center, amongst what looked like thousands upon thousands of books was Jaken.

Hearing the door open, he looked up and when his eyes caught a glimpse of my face, his mouth dropped to the floor. "Rin! What on earth! Girl, what has happened to you?" He scrambled to his feet and ran up to me. No bigger than my knee, he pulled on my hands until, I was kneeling and we were at eye level. "By the gods, what has happened to you!?"

"Its nothing, I jus-"

"No it not! You must tell me now what has happened!"

"Master Jaken, calm down. I was just in the field playing with Ah-Un, and I fell-"

"Rin, it would serve no purpose for you to lie! You must tell me now, For when Lord Sesshomaru comes back he will have a fit!" His slimy green hands, touched the sides of my face carefully.

As his toad-like hands touched my face, I felt some what comforted. As the years had past he had seemed to come to like me. No longer did he always yell, and pester me about ridiculous things anymore. These recent years he has become a close companion, we had many things in common, but one thing stuck out in particular: 'We would follow Lord Sesshomaru anywhere! To hell and back, without question.' I looked into his worried eyes, as he kept looking for any other signs of harm. I braced myself for the question I was about to ask him, For it would decide my fate. This simple answer would determine the whole outcome of my destiny, I would either be elated because the answer was no, or I would be in eternal shock, for It would mean leaving all and everything I know. I prayed to God, it was the first answer.

My voice came out, small and I hoped that he had heard me, because I don't think I could have repeated myself, "Jaken...Where is Lord Sesshomaru?"

His hands left my face, and he gave me a quizzical look, "In the Human village, past the Eastern river, of course."

My heart sped up. My hands started to feel clam, as I held them out in front of me. They were shaking fervently, My breathing started to come in short huffs, as I attempted to keep my cool. I closed my eyes, and counted to ten. When I opened my eyes, Jaken looked at me unsure of what to do or say. I took a deep breath, and hesitantly asked another question, although it was barely louder than a whisper. "And, why exactly did he go to the village?"

I looked at him, waiting for him to answer. My hands momentarily remained still. My breathing quieted. My heart seemed to stop, as I stared at him my eyes wide. This answer could forever change my life. This answer will change my life. I would belong to another man, who I cannot, will not, and never love as much as I do my lord! But if he agrees to this union, then I cannot question him...Even if it means a life time of unhappiness...

Whether the blows to my head were finally catching up to me, or I was becoming delusional...I didn't know, but Reality seemed to slow, as I waited for Jaken to answer. As he opened his mouth to speak, a thought suddenly came to me, _'Would I be able to handle the truth? Am I even in the right state of mind?'_ His hand on my shoulder brought me back to reality.

"On your behalf of course, he had an agreement with the village leader."

**That was it. **

**Time had stopped. **

**Everything went black, **

**As I fell backwards into the dark depths of unconsciousness..**


	3. Fear

Chapter Two: Fear?

There is blackness all around me. But, I do not panic. I have been in the dark for a while now. I have it narrowed down to two things: I am still unconscious, and will soon wake up. Or, I am dead, and this is what waited for me after I took my last breath. Either choice was unacceptable. If I was indeed unconscious, which I desperately hoped was true, then maybe if I willed myself to I could wake up. For, a couple moments I tried...But, It was still dark. _What if I was dead? What if I was actually dead?!_ I tried to push the thought out of my head, but...There would be no going back! I began to panic. Lord Sesshomaru can't save me! Tenseiga can't revive a person more than once! _I...I can't die! I...I didn't even say goodbye! Oh God, please! Please, let me wake up! I really don't want to die, not right now!_ I began to sob loudly in the dark. Lord Sesshomaru..save me! I don't want to die..._Lord Sesshomaru_!

"Open your eyes."

**I did as I was told.**

Staring back at me, was he himself the white angel who had resurrected me so long ago. His long platinum mane, hang down as he leaned over me. The dark lighting in the room really made him stand out. His face was cool, but his eyes...He stared at me with such intensity I started to feel faint again. He was never this close to me. And when I thought about it was he ever this close to anyone? Here I am laying vulnerably in front of the most dangerous, and most feared demon in all of Japan, and yet..I cannot be _anything_ more than happy.

"Rin?"

That was a question. He was not just simply calling my name, seeing if I had heard him. No, he was asking me was I okay, what had taken place, who had done the crime...In that simple way he had called my name, he had asked me a numerous amount of questions that he wanted answered. _He always had a way with words..._

My eyes started to tear up as I gazed at him. Right now at this point in time, at this very moment there was nothing to say. Of course, I wanted to tell him of what the severe beating I had endured but..It didn't seem important right now. Yes, I could still feel the sore and ache all over my body but that could wait. Sesshomaru was here. There was no Jaken, no servants, no documents, no court officials, It was me. It was him. All alone in this dark room. I was not in the mood to do anything bold, but I was not about to simply let this moment slip from me. Before He says two words, and tries to escape, I will...

"I wasn't here."

"Pardon me?"

For a couple moments he didn't say anything. He sat there kneeling motionless, his mouth a little askew as if he were trying to say something but words could not find a way out. I slowly rolled over to my left side, putting both palms down I heaved myself into a sitting position. My legs started to feel numb as I sat on them. I leaned to the left shifting most of my weight to one side.

"There are no words for what has taken place." Each word was spoken slowly, with his head held down. His bangs hid his eyes from me, but I could feel the fury emanating from his body.

"I will personally take matters into my own hands." There was a cracking sound, I looked to down to see his hands palms down with a light green color surrounding them. The wooden floor beneath was rapidly disintegrating as he began applying more pressure. Without actually thinking I put my hand over his. The acid quickly dissipated.

I heard him take a long, deep breath. "How do you fare?"

I snapped my head up, retracting my hand as I did so. Even though his head was still down, I could still feel the pressure of his question upon me. " I..uh..I am fine..I.." I let out an aggravated sigh, The only chance I will have alone with him, and I'm stuttering! I heard him make a sound, then as he brought his head up, I could have sworn there was a smirk on his face. But, as quick as It came-_it disappeared_. But, if he meant for me to see it or not, I will remember. For a brief second, I made My Lord smile. _No_, I berated myself. It was not a smile. For if it was, I would be dead right now. Lord Sesshomaru never smiled. And, if he did...you had better hoped he would be swift. No one really wants to feel every excruciating detail when they die...

"You didn't scream."

For the second time, he had sent me in a state of confusion. "Pardon?"

His head tilted to the right, as he spoke. Form past experiences and closely staring at even the most minuscule changes in his features, I knew what this little mannerism meant. He was curious. With what, I wasn't sure. Then again, I was never sure when It came to him.

"No one in the palace heard any signs of a struggle. You made no attempt to scream for help..._Why is that_?"

I felt as though there were a thousand eyes staring at me. Extremely self conscious, I began putting the sides of my hair behind my hair. Although there was no hair in my face to begin with."Well...when..they were, ..uh.."

"You always had a courageous air about you, even as a child."

My face felt red hot. His last statement had me feelings as if I was on fire. I knew my face had to be red as a beet. Its so embarrassing, blushing right in front of him. But, I couldn't help but feel a little tingle of happiness as I stared down at the wooden floor. Black outlines of a hand, caught my eyes. Just a couple more seconds, and the heat will hopefully leave my face. _Just a couple more and..._

"Rin."

I turned my head to see his hand outstretched. His face was calm as he stared down at me. _When did he get up? Just a second ago he was kneeling, now...standing? How did I not hear him get up?_ So wrapped up in my own thoughts, I didn't realize just how long I had been trying to figure out how he stood up without me noticing, while staring at his black boots.

"Rin."

Realization dawned on me as I, remembered just _who_ I had waiting on me. I slipped my right hand into his. He lifted me without even blinking. As I stood, he let his hand slowly slid from mine. I began to waver, and he put his arm on my shoulder. "Do you wish to resume resting?"

I quickly shook my head, putting my hand up. "No, I'm fine."

He looked me over before walking towards the door. "I need you to come with me."

I nodded and walked over behind him. He paused for a couple seconds before opening the door. I looked around the room. To my astonishment It was extremely bare. There was nothing in here except the futon which I was laying on. There were large windows on two sides of the walls, but the shutters were closed preventing light from coming in. I squinted my eyes to see what was on the walls. There was a picture of a large Dog, Below him were a vast majority of people bowing down. The Second wall, The large Dog stood in front of a woman, with his head down. The Third wall, there was no dog. There's just a picture of a woman lying on a floor. The Fourth wall, was where the door was. I had to peer from behind Sesshomaru to see, the faint outlines painted onto the cream colored wall.. There was a picture of the White dog, on a mountain cliff, howling at a crescent moon. All the pictures seemed to have some kind of important meaning, something that was known to whoever this room belonged to. For some reason, I felt obliged to ask,

"Who's room is this?"

Sesshomaru tensed, then relaxed somewhat. "Mine."

I was stunned for a second. _He had let me into room!_ His personal and most private area. By being here, I had just overstepped the imaginary boundary line of privacy. As I glanced around again, there was nothing extraordinary about it. If anything it was a little less than ordinary. The only thing that made this room even remotely attractive was the walls. And I didn't even understand what they even meant, just thats it was expertly painted with intricate colors and designs.

I bit my lip, unsure if it was my place to ask him something personal about his room but...He didn't have to answer if he didn't want to.

"My Lord, If I may be so bold...What are these pictures of?"

Sesshomaru slid the door back. "My Father's Downfall."

"Your Father's..._downfall_?"

Sesshomaru began walking through the long hallway, "Rin, Come."

I pushed my questions down for another time, and hurriedly caught up. Lightly limping two steps behind.

_Main Hall

Much like when I was younger, I stood behind him and held the back of his haori. My head resting against his back. He seemed not to notice. His stance was still proud, and his face was still held high. He began to speak, his voice loud and clear for all to hear.

"Upon my arrival this morning, I have been told that an incident had occurred yesterday morning. It was also said, that It involved My ward, Rin."

The voices at the bottom of the stairs started to whisper. Although, I was at the top of the stairs and could not hear them, I could guess. They were no doubt talking about what happened yesterday morning. For a solid minute, Sesshomaru let them converse among themselves. Then he began speaking, quieting everyone at the bottom.

"If anyone has an issue about me letting a human reside in the palace and would like to talk about it, stay where you are. If you would rather just keep to yourself and go about your own business, leave the main hall now."

A couple people hesitated, but soon left. But, others stood their ground. There had to be at least thirty demons still standing in the main hall. Sesshomaru squared his shoulders as he stood at the top of the stairs. As my hands clung to his back I started to get an uneasy feeling. It wasn't the pain of my aching muscles or my body's weariness. It was this distinct feeling of fear. I let go of Sesshomaru and took a step back. As I looked him over, there seemed to be...a strange presence about him. It was as if his body was sending of some kind of aura. He cracked his knuckles, and began walking down the stairs.

_One..._

"What seems to be the issue?"

A reptilian demon looked around his fellow demons, " What? No one has the courage to stand up to him?!" He took a step forward, "This has gone on far enough!"

_Four..._

Sesshomaru walked slowly down the great staircase. Walking with such precise movements, from where I stood it looked as though he were gliding instead of merely walking. "Elaborate."

"This human staying here! At first I thought maybe you were just curious. Or maybe, just a passing fancy...But I can see its more than that! She's got you wrapped around her little finger! Its pathetic really!"

_Nine..._

"Is that so?"

A bird demoness spoke up from the back corner, "Your judgment is clouded My lord. _She_ has clouded your judgment...Please, _open your eyes!"_

_Thirteen..._

"Are you insinuating that a human girl, has me blind to what is in front of my very own face?"

The bird demon put her hands together in a pleading gesture. "My lord she has..._changed you_."

A fox demon came to her side, putting a comforting arm around her. He hesitantly looked up, then put his head down, "She should not be here, My liege. We are demon. She is _human_."

_Seventeen..._

The bird demon spoke up, "We ask that you just reevaluate your decision, My lord. That is all."

"And what is the decision? What are you suggesting that I do."

The Reptilian demon made an annoyed growl. "Eat her, Kill her, Throw her way, whatever! You must not fall to the woes of this human."

"_Fall_?"

_Twenty One..._

"Yes, My lord. Fall for a human." The reptilian demon looked at me with cold eyes. Bulging yellow eyes stared at me with such a hatred. All I could do was look back with wary eyes. "But...It seems as though it might be too late." There were a murmur of agreements among the crowd. Many nodded their heads in unison.

Sesshomaru's baritone voice was cold as he spoke, "_Excuse_ me?"

_Twenty Three..._

"Like you father before you, you have fallen. Fallen to a weakling who will bring nothing but disgrace to your name _and_ your Legacy..."

_Twenty Four..._

"Filthy Human."

His words were hard and cold. Like he had just spit in my face. He had openly expressed his hatred for me in front of everyone. I was alone in this palace. Everyone who resided here was demon, not a half-breed among them. But here I stood completely and one hundred percent human. If not for Sesshomaru standing between me and these demons, I bet...No. I didn't have to wager anything. I knew that they would have killed me without a minutes hesitation.

Sesshomaru turned to the right,"Do you ladies have anything to add?"

I looked to where his body was turned. There to the extreme right was My handmaidens and the three demoness' who had jumped me. They stood huddled together. The leader of the group, Lika, looked from me to Sesshomaru, Then back at me.

_Twenty Five..._

"If you ask me, she had it comin' to her."

She made a sickly face. Then made a getsure with her hand, as if there was a bad taste in her mouth. Her red eyes giving me a cold stare. "_Ningen_."

_**Twenty Six**_...Sesshomaru stood at the last step.

I started to get another uneasy feeling. Like...something terrible was about to happen at any moment. As the seconds passed, the feeling became more prominent. No one said anything. There was Complete silence. Sesshomaru stared at each one in the face, I noticed something that gave me goose bumps. I cautiously took a step down, and squinted to see if it was indeed true. And, there it was, on his face looking ever so foreign. His smile was small, but it was still there, from past experiences, I knew what was to happen. Whether the demons in front of him knew it or not I did. And, for them although they did not like me whether for my humanity or for whatever reason, I feared for their lives. The man-No, the demon standing in front of them was a vicious, and ferocious beast under a cool exterior. It would be over soon. Their lives would be cut short.

A blinding green light.

I closed my eyes.

I heard a gasp and someone screamed.

There was a cracking noise.

Loud thuds echoed in my ears.

I opened my eyes.

_My God..._

The floor was no longer a white, porcelain color, with a wooden trim. It was a crimson red. Blood everywhere. Heads looked as though they were carelessly thrown on the floor. Arms, legs, torsos! They were all disconnected from their bodies. Blood was on every inch of the floor. It was horrible! It was..._a massacre_. I took a step back, now at the top of the stairs. My heart began to pound. I was not well enough to be up. _I should have stayed in my room_. Sesshomaru turned around slowly. His eyes were red, and his fangs were bared. I backed away a couple feet, my back pressed against the wall. I could still see his feral red eyes staring at me. My throat began to feel tight. I felt like I couldn't breath. _Why is he acting like this?! What's wrong with him? What should I do? Should I run? No. I won't leave him. I won't!_ I took one step forward. My hands began to shake. I braced myself, _There's nothing to be afraid of. There's nothing to be afraid of_. I took a deep breath and looked down, Sesshomaru's red eyes stared back at me, and he growled-I flinched. He gave me a wide smile.**I ran.**

_Straight..._

A couple seconds into running, I tripped and fell onto the floor. The fall caught me off guard, and I began feeling a tightness in the back of my throat. I began coughing uncontrollably, My chest started to throb against my rib cage. After a while it subsided, and I brought my hand down to heave myself off the floor but was temporarily distracted. In my hand was what looked like splattered blood. _Blood? Why is there_...

"Rin, where are you?"

Sesshomaru's hard voice brought me out of my revere. I wiped my hand on my outer thigh, and quickly came to a stand. I once again lifted the ends of my kimono and began running. I seen what he had done when he smiled earlier. Jaken told me the stories. I'm no fool. I knew better than to stand around and see what happens.

_Left..._

I had to keep running. There was a lot of doubt, whether I would even make it to the end of the hall. He was a demon-I wasn't. It would be nothing for him to leap those stairs and catch me. I lifted the ends of my kimono and hauled my down the hallway. As soon as I reached the corner, I made a quick turn and skidded into the wall. But that didn't deter me, from doing what I had to do.

_Right..._

After a quick couple of breaths, I had made it to the east wing. _How_..I don't know. He should have caught me by now..._Maybe he calmed down. _Maybe It was _me_ who is just over reacting. _Lord Sesshomaru?_ He wouldn't harm me..._Never_!

_Straight..._

I started to slow down to a light run. This could all just be some weird misunderstanding. Something caught my attention. It sounded like a growling sound. A low,shaky..._growling_ sound. From a wolf...or dog, or...

"Rin!"

_Sharp Right..._

With that, I broke out into a full run. I began pumping my arms as hard as I could. He was on to me. He was close! I could feel it. In my heart I knew there was almost little to no hope..._hmpf_. I mentally slapped myself. He was Lord _Sesshomaru_! There was no hope. My body started to feel tired and over exerted. But stopping was absolutely not an option. Whether I was caught or not, I had to try. And at this very moment, trying was the very best I could do.

"RIN!"

My feet skidded to a stop.

**_Dead End._**


	4. Despair

Chapter Three: Despair

This couldn't be. I shouldn't be at a dead end. I must have taken a wrong turn...I looked to my right nothing. I look to my left, to my relief there was a door. I put my hands to the screen and tried to move it, but to no avail. It wouldn't budge. I cursed furiously under my breath. Are you serious?! I put my hands to my head trying to think up a solution. Maybe I should just confront him...take him head on. He was mad, but not a me, so why am I running? An Image of his smile came to mind. No. There's no turning back. As the seconds stretched I started to panic even more. I began retracing my steps in my head. Okay, I took a left, then a right, then I took a...I cursed under my breath again. I had found the error, I was supposed to make two lefts. I rolled my eyes in aggravation, _no...its okay..I'll just go back and..._

I heard soft thuds against the floor. I slowly turned my head. The first thing I seen was his left boot come into view. I didn't wait to see the rest. With both hands I banged on the door, and pushed it aside.

Once inside, I shut the door behind me, and ran to the window across the room. I pushed back the blinds and stared outside. It was raining, _hard_. The sky was dark-every couple second a flash of lightening appeared. I looked down, _I had to escape_. Although I was on the second floor, I was pretty sure that I would survive the fall. There was a garden just below the window. The flowers, and bushes would cushion the fall. As I thought of the best way to leave without causing myself so much pain, I could still hear the soft thuds in the background. I ripped off my obi and snatched the constricting kimono off. Now with just my under robe on, I had more room to be flexible. Something caught my attention...

The soft thudding had stopped.

I turned around and saw a shadow of someone standing in front of the door. I put both hands on the windows ledge, ready to hoist myself up. I took a deep breath...

"Why did you run?"

My breath caught in my throat.

His breath was on the back of my neck and I could feel his presence behind me.

"You were startled."

I made no sudden movements.

"You have just witnessed for the first time, what I am capable of. And, you reacted just as I thought you would."

He leaned closer to my left ear. "You ran."

I closed my eyes. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. All I could think was, _'This is the end'...'This is the end.'_

"Are you scared, Rin?"

I didn't answer him. I couldn't move.

There was a silence...Then I felt his cold hand on mine.

"Are you planning to jump?"

I opened my eyes, and looked at his hand upon mine. Pale, to an earthy ivory.

"Do you fear me so much that you would take your own life?"

Under all my panic and anxiety, I somehow found my voice. "No, My lord."

"Then why is your kimono on the floor? Why are your hands on the windows ledge? You were not merely enjoying the weather, Rin. I would appreciate it if you would not think me as to be so ignorant."

He moved his hand and in the process I felt the tips of his talons.

"I am sorry."

"An apology is not needed. You cannot change what you are."

His words hurt. As If he had just stricken me with his own hand. I turned around to look him in the eye. "What I..._am_?"

His face was impassive as he looked down at me. "Rin, whether you act oblivious on purpose or not, you are Human and I am Demon."

I gave him a insulted look. _Where is this coming from? _"Why does it matter?" He made an annoyed sound. "Why does it matter If I am Human and you are Demon?"

"Were you frightened by what had just previously occurred."

My mind seemed to be in a blur from one thing to another. "Well...I was startled..But, I don't think I was frightened..."

"Then why did you run?"

I bit my lip and averted my eyes.

"Are you content to living in a palace filled with demons who might take your life at any given time?"

"Am I... are they trying to kill me? What are you talking about?" I felt as though My heart was going to pop out of my chest. "What are you..Why are you talking in circles?"

Sesshomaru walked to the open window, looking out at the murky sky. He held his head down as he spoke. His voice sounded ragged and exasperated, "Do you...wish to live among humans?"

I shook my head no, but he still spoke as if I hadn't said anything at all.

"I have arranged a marriage between you and the son of the village leader across the river." Sesshomaru began walking to the door.

My world felt as though It had been turned upside down. Words couldn't explain how I felt. I didn't even know how to understand what he had just said to me. How could he arrange a marriage for me? Out of all the ridiculous rules and regulations...This was at the top of the list. For someone who probably speaks a maximum of maybe ten words to me a day, to have the audacity to arrange a marriage for me? No. I'm not going to except this. He is My lord, and I have the utmost respect and undying loyalty to him, but...I will not marry someone who I don't even know. Whom I have never even seen or talked to! I can't. I won't. I will not.

"I cannot."

Sesshomaru stopped in front of the door. He partially turned his head, "Excuse me?"

"I won't."

He raised an eyebrow at me, and began walking towards me. He stopped about two feet in front of me. "You dare disobey me?"

I gathered all of the courage I could muster, "I...will not marry him!"

Sesshomaru took another step.

"Do not think that because I let you do as you please, you will refuse what I am ordering you to do. You are my ward, Rin. You are to heed what I say. Is that clear?"

"No."

Sesshomaru took another step towards me. He now stood directly in front of me. His nose an inch or two away from mine. "I do not have time to play _games _with an _adolescent _human girl."

He spoke each word slowly, making sure he emphasized the words 'games' and 'adolescent'. All I could do was stare at him as he spoke. But, as he turned his back on me, I couldn't hold it in.

"You think I go to sleep at night."

My words came out in a blur. I wasn't even sure if he even heard me.

Sesshomaru stood there motionless. I took this time to elaborate. "At night...when you think I am sleep...you come to my room."

He didn't move. I slowly walked past him and stood in front of him. As I looked up, he stared at me with those intense golden eyes. But...I did not fear. This look, unlike the others were..soft. Not in the sense that he himself was soft. But, The emotion in his eyes held so much.

"I wasn't sleep."

He openly stared at me. His eyes roaming over my face as if he were searching for something. For a while, we stayed as such. Then he did something, quite out of the ordinary. He leaned down, his face an less than an inch from mine.

"I never thought you were."

I moved forward and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. This didn't satisfy him, for he began to lean into me, closing the already small distance.

At first...

The kiss was soft, it was tender, it was _memorable_. Then it became eager, and rough, it was _sensuous_. Never had I been kissed, but I was pretty sure this wasn't how it was supposed to be. It wasn't supposed to be deep and inviting, warm and so desirable. It was contagious. With every one, I felt as though I had to have another. As though I needed another. _Was this what couples partook in when in private? They kissed intense like this? _He put his hand to the side of my face, angling our mouths as he did so, and I was ever so grateful! His tongue became an most welcomed guest as it entered my mouth over and over again. But, what was by far the most...interesting thing was that he made a sort of purring sound in the back of his throat. I couldn't help but feel a the warmth of flattery come over me.

I felt his body go tense, then he instantly jerked away. His body had moved with such swiftness that I almost fell forward from lack of support.

"What is wrong?" My voice sounded a little hoarse and out of breath.

He turned, picked up my kimono and shoved it in my hands. "Get dressed."

I did as I was told.

When my obi was tied neatly, I looked up at him questioningly. "What's wrong?" I put my hand on his arm. "My lord? What is-"

He roughly pushed my hand aside. Insulted I opened my mouth to comment on his abruptness when the door opened.

"There you guys are! I have been looking all over! I had come back from my errands only to see a gory mess in the main hall! I mean, heads, arms, legs...Everywhere! What on earth happened?! It looks as if a wild animal was let loose or something, its unbelievable! By Kami, I feel bad for whoever has to clean tha-"

"Jaken."

Jaken stopped his ramblings and looked up at Lord Sesshomaru.

"Oh, sorry My lord. Forgive my useless blabbering! How may I assist you?"

"Take Rin to her room."

I looked at Sesshomaru, he didn't meet my eyes. He deliberately averted my eyes. Jaken looked at me then at Sesshomaru, unsure of what to do. "Go."

Jaken's shrill voice broke the awkward silence. "Uh...yes...Come along Rin!" He grabbed my hand and led me out of the room quickly. As he led me to my room, we walked silently through the halls. Never once, did he let go of my hand.

When we finally reached my room, he closed the door behind us and guided me to my futon. As I sat down on the cotton bedding, he stood in front of me with cautious eyes.

"Rin...what has happened?"

"I..I don't know.."

Jaken tightened the staff of two heads in his hands. "Rin, you must tell me what has happened, now."

I nodded. He was right. I had to tell him what had happened. He would know what to do. I explained to him what happened when I awoke in the morning, the bare room with intricate carved paintings of Sesshomaru's Father and his downfall. I told him about the servants that questioned his motives about keeping me around, and how they were openly insulting him. About how there was a bright light, and when I opened my eyes there was nothing but blood. The whole time I narrated the events he just looked at me with disbelieving eyes. But, when I told him about how he smiled at me. He sucked in so much air I thought he would blow to pieces. After he finally calmed down, and deflated all of that air I told him of what happened in the room and how I was going to jump. I even told him of the intimate moment we had. He didn't seem surprised by it however, he said he had foreseen we would encounter something like that, Seeing as He was male and I was female.

"...Then, he pushed me away and you came in."

He started pacing back and forth across my room.

"And, you are sure that is everything that has happened?"

I nodded my head, "I don't understand why he is so upset Master Jaken. For the first time since I have been with him, I have never feared for myself as much as I did today. He was calm, and then...I felt this tension in the air, and its like I could feel his anger." I opened and closed my hands in demonstration, "You should have seen it!"

He shook his head solemnly, "I think not."

"I think that I may have upset him even worse."

He stopped his pacing, his eyebrows quirked up questioningly. "Why so child."

I began whispering, for fear that the walls would over hear and spread vicious lies about me. "I have become too bold.."

"Indeed." He looked at me with wary eyes, "Do you care for him?"

I answered without hesitation, "Of course."

"...Do you _love_ him?"

I gave a reluctant nod, and he squeezed my hands, "You must not."

"Don't you love our lor-"

"I care for him as My _lord_. You care for him more than a ward should. You are free to love who ever that you find suitable, but you cannot love _him_."

"I don't understand. I understand that he is sometimes cold and distant bu-"

"You don't understand, Rin! Its not about simple things like what he likes or dislikes, what he prefers or distastes..Its about you!" He pointed a bulbous green finger at my chest. "You are _Human_."

Tears started to surface, "Why does that seem to be a problem? Everyone is quick to tell me what I am, what I am not. What he is, what he stands for..I know! I know but it doesn't matt-"

Jaken tightened his hand around his staff, and began pacing again. "How selfish can you be? There are two possible outcomes to this situation: 1) Sesshomaru takes you as his wife or 2) He sends you away. Now tell me which would you prefer?"

"Choice one of course."

"He shook his head and gave a low, humorless laugh. "I see...So you would prefer him to take you as his wife? Well, lets see...you probably have what..thirty or forty years left until he finds you undesirable and repulsed by your wrinkles and deteriorating body. And maybe, forty-five until you actually became too weak to move and bedridden. Then by, a couple days you'll be dead. Then what? Huh?"

I stared at him wide-eyed.

"Don't worry! There's another outcome...Okay, he takes you as his wife, then you become heavy with child. What are you going to do then?"

"Take responsibility. Be a good mother..what else!?"

"You think you'll make it that far?"

"To become a good mother? Why wouldn't I?"

Jaken let out an annoyed noise, "God, child! Its as if you are oblivious to _everything_! Its like you're not even hearing me! You are Human! He is demon! You are small and fragile, you cannot birth a half-demon!"

"InuYasha's mother did! Why can't-"

He shook his head. "There's one critical point you're missing, Rin. The stronger the demon, the stronger the demon blood coursing through the baby's blood!"

"But, InuYa-"

"Sesshomaru surpassed his father when he mastered tenseiga, and defeated Naraku. Sesshomaru's demon blood is too strong for you."

"What's the difference between _Me_ and _her_?"

"When InuYasha's mother was birthing him, she died. Luckily, Sesshomaru's father resurrected her with tenseiga. But you Rin..You, have already died! You cannot be resurrected again. When you die again, Its for good."

The tears fell so quick and fast, I didn't even bother to wipe them away. There wasn't a sense of helplessness, or frustration. But, of yearning. These tears that ran like tracks down my cheeks was that of yearning. I was in love with an unemotional being. One, who did not love, who did not want to. Some one who would call it weak, because he couldn't possibly grasp the concept of loving someone so bad that it hurts. _People like him..Demons like him...The don't understand..._

"You cannot hurt him like that, Rin. You can't...The best thing you can do is leave. The village Leader will be arriving tomorrow morning, with his son.._your husband to be_."

The tears fell faster, "I can't.._I don't love him._"

"Its not about love, Rin. Its about what's better for everyone. Its about what's better for him. If you loved him, you wouldn't string him on for a couple years, then leave him. Do you understand how much that will hurt him? In the end you have to think about how it will effect everyone, not just you and your little girl fantasies. He has an empire to rule, He has people to govern, he has _time_...something you don't." He lowered his head, "If you loved him, you wouldn't pursue what ever infatuation you have..."

He walked to the door and held it open, "_Love is a fleeting emotion, that humans claim to have...But what it really is, is fear of being alone._" He shut the door, leaving me on my knees in the middle of my floor, slowly sinking into emotional depression.

I put my face to a pillow, and screamed '_I love you'_, only to find a spot and small specks of blood on it.

It slowly slipped from my mind, along with all the ridiculous flower chains and childish fantasies of him remembering me forever.

I curled into a ball, and wept hard for the love I wanted but couldn't have.


	5. Coalition

Chapter Four: Coalition

_I ran as fast as I could, but it was to no avail. I pleaded with my body to cooperate, but my legs were too small. I couldn't run any faster. They would catch up to me. And, when they did it would all be over. The path in front of me seemed never-ending. Tears started to form. An image of him came to mind. His long silver, Gold eyes, and white skin... _

_They were coming! I had to find him, and tell him. Warn him... But, The forest was getting dark, and I started to panic. What if I can't find him? What will he do? How will he survive? My heart seemed to ache in my small childish body. First, it was my parents, my brothers, the villagers, Now this?! It seemed like death was a never-ending circle in my life. _

_Here I am, A small, Mute orphan, running from wolves._

_Trying to find that Angel, I had somehow misplaced in these woods._

_I was a lost spirit, with nothing to live for. _

_Way, in over my head._

_I closed my eyes for a brief second. That's all it took._

_I tripped over the root of a tree._

_And The wolves Descended. _

My eyes flew open, and I sucked in a ragged breath.

"I see you allowed yourself some sleep."

I turned my head and gave him a wary look.

"You were restless."

"I was comfortable."

"Nightmare?"

"Dream."

"Why do you insist on acting like a child?"

I wiped the sleep from my eyes, and sat upright from my bed. My eyes roamed around the dimly lit room. I looked to the blinds, it was still dark, well into the night. My eyes went back to him. Sesshomaru sat two feet away, his legs crossed, and swords placed elegantly to his left side. He watched my face, as I took in my surroundings.

I looked at the demon in front of me, with hopeful eyes. It only brought me back to what Jaken said. About how we would only be a destruction to each other, but right now at this moment I didn't care. Right now, Here in my room, in my very own face was Sesshomaru. His very presence here, spoke in volumes. Then again, I could be wrong. He could be here for a whole other reason, and I'm over-analyzing the situation. But, I couldn't help it. Just seeing him here, whether it was good or bad, gave me a small amount of hope. And with that hope, I prayed to God it would be good. For, my sanity, I prayed it was good.

"Why are you acting so cold." His voice held something foreign.

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"What's wrong?"

I bit my lip. When it came down to it...I didn't know what was bothering me. The fact that I loved him, and couldn't have him. Or, because I didn't know if he felt the same way. Maybe because I was engaged, without my consent. I didn't know.

Sesshomaru let out an annoyed sound. He closed his eyes briefly, then reached out and held my hand in his. "Rin. I'm here because I don't understand. I want to know..."

I stared at him, unsure of what to say.

"Rin." He let out a sigh of irritation. "I don't make it a habit of befriending people, but I can say that I care for you more than any being I have met thus far. I..." He looked to the floor. "I don't let my barrier down for anyone, but I consider you an exception."

"I don't know what to say."

"This Sesshomaru, would like to know what is happening with you, Rin. It is taking all of my strength to keep my calm, but I don't like this feeling of hopelessness."

He tilted his head to the side as I retracted my hand from his. Hopelessness? How could he even say that? It is I who should feel hopeless. Earlier he had me looking like a fool. Toying with my feelings. He had no right to say this to me! I am the one who is in pain!

"Earlier my lord, We shared a kiss, and I apologize for being so bold, But I was not alone in that action. You kissed me back."

"I understand that. I am not faulting you for that, and there is no reason to apologize."

I gave him a quizzical look, "Then what do you want to know?"

Sesshomaru took a breath, and relaxed his shoulders. "How do you feel about this situation?"

This had to be some sort or twisted joke. Why is Lord Sesshomaru asking such unusual questions? "My Lord, Forgive me but, why are you asking me these questions?"

"I cannot question my own ward?"

"My cheeks felt hot. They were no doubt red from embarrassment. "Yes...I'm sorry. Its just..This is the most you've asked me in months."

"Your face is flushed. I take it I'm embarrassing you."

I put my hands up in protest. "No! I'm..jus..-"

He held my hands in the air. He moved them so our palms were against each other. "We are so different."

It wasn't just a statement, or opinion. It was a fact. We were different, in many ways. I looked at our hands against each other. His hands looked so big against mine. His pale skin clashed with my ivory. My feminine to his masculine. But, despite the difference, weren't we still somewhat alike? When you really think about it, shouldn't the only real difference be gender? In my eyes, he is male, and I female. That's it. Demon, Human..._That doesn't matter. _

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"I'm not in the habit of repeating myself."

I bit my lip, "Why did you push me away earlier?"

I felt his hands stiff, then relax. "Jaken was coming."

I mulled his answer over in my head. It seemed like a good answer, Then again I could be wrong. True, Jaken is annoying at times and runs his mouth, but, he's loyal. Its not as if he would go run his mouth to other servants, he valued his life too much. Without really thinking, I began slowly pulling my hands back. But, His rich, baritone voice caught my attention. "I was caught off guard, Thus my reaction was somewhat cold."

I considered his words for a second, then gave a small smile. I appreciated it, because this was the closet I would get to an apology.

"It wasn't my intention to make you feel..._rejected_."

My face felt like it was burning. I was yet again embarrassed. I dropped my hands in my lap. "My Lord, May I ask, why you are so talkative all of a sudden?"

He gracefully folded his hands in his kimono sleeves. "I feel as though I can speak to you as an equal."

I let a brilliant smile surface. "Thank you, My Lord."

He removed his hands from his sleeves, and came to a stand towering over me. "Do not be confused. I will confide in you more than others, and will let you speak freely, But always remember your place. I am your Lord, and you my ward. I expect respect at all times."

I gave small bow, "Yes, my lord."

When I looked up, he was holding my door open. His face expressionless as he looked down at me. "Come, There is something I wish to show you."

I threw the sheets off, without hesitation and ran after my lord as he walked down the hallway.

_Ten minutes Later

Before me was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Across the horizon were what seemed like thousands of colors! There was Red, Yellow, Orange...Then if you looked to the other side it was Blue, Purple, Violet and maybe even a little gray. It was so beautiful. It literally took my breath away. I moved a little closer to the edge of the cliff, and let my feet hang over its edge.

"Every morning I come out here and watch the sunrise."

I couldn't hide the amazement from my voice. "Its beautiful."

"Indeed."

For at least an hour, we sat there on the cliffs edge and enjoyed each others company. Neither of us said anything. We say there silently and enjoyed the sun rise. After a while, he spoke.

"Rin, how do feel about this?"

I looked from the sun to his face. It was expressionless as usual, but I knew underneath he was anxious to know my answer. Then again, I wasn't exactly sure how I felt. I loved him with all my heart, but...Jaken keeps coming back to mind. 'In the end you have to think about how it will effect everyone, not just you and your little girl fantasies.' He was right but...I didn't want him to. Maybe we could somehow work this, maybe there was a way where I didn't have to die...Then he would be okay, and we could be together forever. And be...happy. No. That was impossible. _I was human..._

"I can't live forever..."

"I am aware of that."

"It will only seem as though a minute in your infinite life."

"I realize that."

"What about after I die? What will you do?" My eyes looked at him questioning.

He looked me in the eye, with such a seriousness I never seen before. "I will cope with it as best I can."

"But why even go through that? Why waste your time?"

Sesshomaru grabbed my hand and leaned forward. "I'm wasting my time now. I want to be with you, Rin, but it seems as though you are unsure. If you refuse me, I will not hold it against you."

Tears started falling from my eyes by their own accord. "Its just so many things can happen..."

"Elaborate, please."

"What if other demons find out?"

"They will be angry. But, they will respect my decision."

"What about my engagement?"

"Upon his arrival, I will have jaken tell him that he is no longer needed."

"What if I become heavy with child? He will be half-demon. He will be weak. What will you do?"

"If you become pregnant, then we will become parents. If he is half-demon, it matters not. He will still have my demonic blood running through his veins. He will not be weak. I will make sure of that."

I let out a aggravated noise. "My lord!"

"Rin..."

"You make it sound so easy."

"It is."

"But its not...What if I die again?"

Sesshomaru pulled me into an embrace. His arms tightened around me, desperately trying to comfort me.

"I won't let that happen."

My tears fell faster. That was the first time he had lied to me. Whether he said it to comfort me or himself, I didn't know. But, He just promised something he possibly couldn't keep. I was lucky I had even been brought back once. What if I actually stayed dead the third time?

_What would he do?_

_Later that Evening

Jaken knocked on the large wooden door.

"Come in."

Jaken walked in the room quickly, and shut the door. Sesshomaru put pending letters of agricultural merging aside. "What is it Jaken."

Jaken walked towards the desk, "There seems to be a problem..."

"Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed. "Jaken I do not have time for games."

"Oh! So sorry my lord. Will not happen again. My deepest apologies. I was way out of line, I- "

"Jaken."

"Oh, yes! Well, uhm...It seems as though Orin, Rin's intended has been called away. And there was no way in communicating to him that the engagement is off. But, the village leader wishes to meet with you whenever Orin returns."

"For what purposes?"

"Uhm..I..I don't know, everything he said came in and out the other. Nothing of real importance, just some internal issues within the village prob-"

"Jaken."

"Yes, my lord?"

"Be quiet."

Jaken bowed his head, "yes, my lord."

Sesshomaru stood, and walked over to the door. Before departing, he called over his shoulder, "I will be speaking with Rin. There will be no interruptions."

"But of course my lord." Jaken said, as he bowed his head yet again.

_Five Minutes Later

_I stood at the palace steps, with Kohaku and Jaken while Sesshomaru talked to his mother. I wasn't really paying attention to what they were saying, until I heard the words, 'eat' and 'human'. I could feel her stare upon me. Out of nowhere I see something black, from the corner of my eye. _

_I looked up to see a huge black dog come towards me. _

_As it pulled me into the darkness, the last thing I saw was Lord Sesshomaru jump in after me._

My eyes flew open, only to be obscured by something silver. His lips lingered on my cheek for a few seconds, when he pulled back he held his head to the side, so his ear was almost to my chest.

"Are you ill?"

I cleared my throat before speaking, "No, I'm fine...why?"

"Your heartbeat is irregular."

"Oh. Its probably nothing."

"Was it wolves again?"

"No. I stopped having nightmares long ago."

"You don't have to lie about it."

"I'm not. I just...I don't like talking about it."

Sesshomaru sat in a sitting position. His Golden eyes shining brightly into the darkness.

I turned to my side and pushed myself into a sitting position. "I don't dream about dying anymore."

Sesshomaru watched me as I leaned up to kiss him.

_"I dream about being with you forever."_

_Morning

I awoke to find he wasn't here.

The sun lit its way through the blinds, casting striped shadows against the wooden floorboards. As I lay, I could hear nothing-No movement in the hallways, no servants bustling around...I didn't even hear the birds that usually chirped happily outside. I hastily climbed out of bed, and went to the window.

The sky was a dreary gray color. There was no wind, no clouds, and no animals in sight. Fear began to form. This whole scene in front of me...The sky, the lack of life and sound...It was nothing short of a bad omen. Yesterdays occurrences flashed in my mind. Sesshomaru in my room, The kiss, The oh so sudden change in his personality, The dreams...

They were omens. Many warnings of bad luck. Right when I thought I was in control of my destiny.._I was wrong_. I was never in control. All this, was too good to be true. The dreams confirmed it. I stopped dreaming about death long ago, but now...

My heart seemed to ache, it was all an illusion. It was a mirage, from the beginning, And I was just fool enough to believe it. I was fool enough to actually think that loving a demon, would come with no consequences. I was wrong. It was even more than that...

Its hard to comprehend, He' so much! I'm so little. My mind is becoming unclear. The emotions I'm feeling were too colorful. Its becoming hard to see. He's so perfect! I'm not. Obligations have to be met. Choices have to be made. Refusals to no avail. He is a Lord! I, his ward. I once had happiness...long ago. Time never slows.

He is Immortal!

I'm not.

He is Forever!

I'm fleeting.

He is Sesshomaru!

I'm just...Rin.

I became overwhelmed with the sadness and reality of my life. It was truly the hardest thing I had to come to terms with. He was...

I felt the tears fall down my face.

"Rin?"

I turned to face Jaken, and tried to keep my composure as best as possible.

"He was...Out of my league from the beginning. And, I was too stupid and oblivious to realize that."

Jaken's tightened his grip on the staff of two heads.

"Master Jaken...You were right. You were right all along."

Jaken looked to the floor, trying to avoid eye contact. "I didn't want this to happen, Rin. I didn't want you to have to go through this."

I shook my head, "No, you tried to warn me. It is I, who is to blame, but...It is too late, Jaken." I fell to my knees in defeat, "I'm in way too deep."

Jaken put a hand on my shoulder, "There is still hope. You can still rectify this situation."

My hands tried desperately to wipe the tears away, but it was pointless. "How?"

"Orin has just arrived and is in a meeting right now, with Lord Sesshomaru. You must go and stop Sesshomaru from declining your engagement."

I shook my head, "No, I can-"

Jaken tightened his hold on my shoulder. "If you loved him, you would do what's best."

I nodded solemnly. He was right, If I loved him, I would do what's best for him.

I wiped my face, and ran out my room and down the hallway to Sesshomaru's study.

_Sesshomaru's Study

I knocked on the large wooden door.

"Come in."

I slowly pushed the door open, and saw Sesshomaru sitting at his desk, his hands holding a piece of parchment. Sitting a little to the side was a short stubby, looking man with a large beard and round stomach. Next to him was a young man, probably a year or two older than me. He had straight brown hair that came just above his shoulders. As he stared at me, I noticed he had dark amber eyes, so much like Sesshomaru's. But, not as beautiful. His face was plain, but with that large smile he seemed somewhat kind.

"Rin, this is Matsu, and his son Orin."

The round man, gave me a cheeky smile, "Hello!"

I tried to smile, but I think it may have came out as a grimace. "Hello." I bowed my head in respect. "Pleased to meet you."

When I rose again, the round man, was smiling broadly at Sesshomaru. "So polite, and mannerable. She's sure is something!"

"She sure is..."

I looked at the young man, with unsure eyes. Under my stare he became fidgety and, clumsily came to a stand. He held his hand out to me, "Its nice to meet you Rin."

"Likewise." I gave him a small smile.

He let go of my hand and scratched the back of his head. "You're so beautiful...I don't understand why you aren't already taken. You must have had many suitors."

I held my smile in place. I dared not to look at Sesshomaru, for fear I would fall to my knees and begin to sob uncontrollably. "No."

"That's hard to believe...Well, no matter." He gently held my hand, "I promise to love and cherish you as much as humanly possible."

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Sesshomaru leaving his seat, and walking towards us. Orin, didn't seem to notice. "It would be most fortuitous having you as my wife, Rin."

Sesshomaru was less than several feet away, and I knew what I had to do, before it was too late. If I do something, everything thus far would be in vain. My mind tried to think, but my thoughts were too clouded. Either way was bad. It was a lose, lose situation. My heart seemed to increase dramatically.

Sesshomaru was now three feet away. I had to make a choice, but..

Sesshomaru was two feet away. I could either agree or disagree, but I was so...

Sesshomaru was a foot away. "I would be happy to be your wife, Orin."

Sesshomaru stood still. Motionless.

Orin, then became giddy. He pulled me into an embrace, and whispered joyously in my ear, "I will not let you down, Rin. You will see. I will be the best husband. You will see."

I held my face up and my smile in place. But, my eyes were full of false happiness. I let them celebrate the joyous moment. The whole while, I held my mask in place.

_The Main Gates

After the meeting in Sesshomaru's study, I made sure Orin, was near me the whole afternoon. I was too afraid to face Sesshomaru, let alone face him. Every time I seen him approach, I would grab Orin, and go in the opposite direction. I had to avoid him as much as possible. I was surprise he didn't just order Orin away...This is his castle, he is the ruling Lord. But, he never said or did anything. Maybe , the whole thing between us was some sort of fling or curiosity. What if he didn't even care at all? What if I was just some weird experiment? No...that couldn't be. All those things he said the other day...

"Rin, are you ready?"

I looked to Orin as he held the large metal gate open. Outside of the gate, was a Large brown carriage pulled by Two beautifully white horses.

I nodded, but when I moved to walk forward, a strong arm held me in place. My eyes fell straight to the floor. I didn't even bother to look up. I knew who it was. By the authority in his voice when he ordered Orin to leave, so we may speak in private for a moment. I saw Orin's boots hesitantly move towards the carriage, unsure if he should obey or stay his ground. Something must have happened becuase, he then picked up his pace, and quickly got into the carriage.

"Why did you accept his offer?"

I didn't answer.

"Rin, answer me. Why did you accept his offer? Do you feel sorry for him? Is that it? I will go tell him to leave right now, if you so wish."

I bit my lip in aggravation, my feelings had betrayed me. My tears streamed down my face without shame.

"Rin, look at me."

I held my head down.

His hand came to my chin and lifted it up. For the first time in my short life, I seen something other than anger on his face. Right here, inches away from me, was the true definition of pain. The features in his face seemed strained as he looked at me.

"Rin, I need you to help me understand why you are doing this."

My voice came out shaky as I spoke, "Its not for you to understand."

His eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Why are you leaving?"

"This is what's best."

For a minute he searched my face, perhaps the truth, but he didn't have to look. It was right in front of him. "You won't be happy."

"I will."

"You won't...Not with him."

His hand tightened on me.

"Let me go."

"No. Not until you give me a reason to."

I tried to get his hand off me, but he was too strong. I was no doubt making it worse.

"I don't want to be with you."

His voice raised an octave, "You're lying." He shook me aggressively. "You said you felt the same. That's what you said."

I pleaded with him to release me. "I did..But, not anymore..."

His face hardened with frustration. _"You said you dreamt of being with me forever."_

I looked him in the eyes, "I dream _of wolves, and hell, and dying_! _That_ is what I dream of. You exposed me to too much. In ten years, **I died twice.** _Twice_ Sesshomaru! I can't live like this, I'm sorry."

Sesshomaru maintained his ground. "I won't let you go marry some peasant, to go live in a low class village, and live a mediocre life."

"Sesshomaru..." I sucked in a deep breath. This would be the single-most hardest thing I had to do. I took another breath. "**I don't love you."**

His hands let go of me and fell to his side, balling into fists.

Before me, His whole demeanor seemed to transform. First was the pain. Then, it went blank. His whole face went ever so blank. If I didn't know him, I probably would have thought he was a statue. He was completely still.

His eyes stared down at me with such aloofness. I opened my eyes to say something, but it was too late. He turned his back on me and began walking up the stairs back to the palace.

I picked up the little dignity I had, and walked past the gate and to the carriage. As I sat down inside, Orin took a look at my face. He moved next to me, and placed his hand atop mine.

"I know its hard making the transition, but I'm sure you'll adjust."

I looked wearily at his ordinarily plain face. Here he is telling me I'll be okay, doesn't he know I just left the best thing that has ever happened to me? Doesn't he realize that I left the only person who truly mattered, who ever really cared about me? Can he not see, the man-no, demon that I had just rejected, holds my very heart?

Orin gave me a sincere smile.

No. Its no way he could know those things. He's blind to my internal pain. He knows not the strength its taking to keep my composure. He knows nothing, Does nothing, Sees nothing! He's oblivious in every sense of the word.

No. I had no right to judge him.

He was a peasant, and soon I would be his wife. He lived in a low class village, soon I would too.

Sesshomaru's face came to mind.

I blocked it out, along with everything else that happened in the past ten years.

Orin squeezed my hand.

I gave him the best smile I could muster, and prepared myself for what the future held.

Soon, We would live a mediocre life. A new life.


	6. Black Veil

Chapter Five: Black Veil

He lay on his futon with his eyes closed and a peaceful expression on his face. Soft satin sheets lay on top of him, as well as a small square satin below under his head. The blinds were closed but, a light gray shadow of the moon made itself present. Nothing stirred in the darkness of the room, as I stood over him. His mouth was partly open as he breathed in and out. His short dark hair spread to the sides of his face, creating the image of a youth, straight out of childhood.

I held the knife tight in my hands above my head. I took a deep breath. This was it. The moment I've been waiting for ever since I arrived in this low class village. While I had rejected my one and true love, I had felt no real pain, and I thought maybe it was because I didn't really love him. That it was just the thought of it. The idea of loving someone who couldn't be loved, or actually obtained. But, I was wrong. I was completely wrong. To this very moment I still can't fathom what exactly went through my mind, as I said those words. If I could change time, I would. But, now I can't. And, here was the next best thing...

I would kill Orin.

There was no other way I could quench my anger. I hated Orin, and everything he stood for. He was nice, and kind, gentle, polite, and humble in every sense of the word. Orin was what every woman dreamed of. A perfect husband who would treat them with absolute kindness and give them a loving and secure lifestyle. The compassion that he had was absurd. His thoughts were nothing less of optimistic. His smiles were full of trust. He was...Perfect! And...I hated him for it. I looked at his pure and innocent face. Not a trace of hatred or spite in his feeble little body. He was mediocre! This man who lays here and wishes me to be his wife has nothing going for him. I can't even stoop so low as to marry him. I cannot allow myself to. Compared to Lord Sesshomaru he is...dirt! He isn't a ruler of an entire region! He isn't even a noble! Orin, cannot wield the sword of healing, or open the gates of hell! He can't make humans and demon cower in hid very presence without even looking in their direction! This man who lays here, with the very aura of a saint does nothing than repel and disgust me! His hair is not the color of winter! His eyes are not the color of a waking sun! He doesn't have the branding of pure blood, or the mark of a crescent moon! He doesn't have the face of the face of angel and the strength of an entire hoard of demons in one finger!

I stared at Orin with ravenous eyes. What was I thinking? This is a disgrace! Choosing to marry this...this...**HUMAN!?** This filth! I am no common peasant girl. I am Rin! The ward of the great and wonderous Lord Sesshomaru! I deserve better than this human! I deserve..I deserve...

I deserved Sesshomaru.

As much as I didn't want to hurt him..in the end...I did. I had fallen in love with him, and led him into thinking we could have been together. I encouraged his feelings and let him believe in what I wanted to be true. I wanted..him. And, even though it seemingly was impossible. I let him believe that it wasn't. That we could have somehow overcame any obstacle that came our way. But, that hope. Mine and his, although it was never said aloud. He and I, we hoped that the love we shared would and could overcome anything! Our hope was mainly based on that, _he just...believed in it more than I did._

He wanted forever...And, I just wasn't it.

At first, I will admit marrying Orin was a small bit tempting. For the simple fact, of being normal for once. Getting married. Having kids. Loving someone who could love you back...Even dying old was a little appealing. But, as the carriage stopped at the entrance, and I was led to my room I started to come to terms with what had just taken place. I remember sitting there with my arms to my chest feeling as if I would never be whole again. As if my whole world was over. There was no point to living. And, right now with this knife in my hands I still believe that to be true. Each and every time I think of Sesshomaru and what could have, should have, or wanted to happen I unknowingly blame Orin. It wasn't his fault, It was never his fault. I was just putting the blame on someone else, instead of taking responsibility for my actions. I was the one who crossed the line between ward and lord. I was the one who let myself fall in too deep, and it was me...who said I didn't love him. Those were my words...and I regret it. I haven't seen my lord in maybe several hours but, it seems like an eternity. Now that I'm thinking about it..I don't think I can bear it any longer.

A world without Sesshomaru was no world at all.

If I couldn't be with him, I might as well be dead. I lowered the knife to my stomach.

I might as well be dead...

I began to pulled the knife back, ready to take my life.

Orin stirred in his sleep. I looked at him as he began stirring restlessly. His eyebrows began furrowing together, as if he was trying to figure something out. I took a deep breath. I couldn't do it. I thought I could but, I couldn't. I slipped the knife in between the folds of my kimono, and walked to the door. I pushed it aside, and muttered, "_You deserved better, Orin_.." Before slipping through the dark hallways, past the night maids and back to my room.

Day One_

They cut my hair. They said it was unruly and coarse. It was not lady-like and would not be appropriate. I looked to the ground as they cut through the split ends and tangled knots. My long, wild hair that flowed down to almost my hips, was now all around my feet. I reached my hand up, my hair was just above my shoulders. They even cut my bangs symmetrically straight. They said If the village girls were to look up to me, I was to have a more suitable hairstyle. One, with style, and elegance. That portrayed just a hint of grace.

I was fitted with new clothes. A girl was not meant to wear such bright, colored kimonos. Especially not the colors of a demon clan. They constantly reminded me I was not to bring attention to myself at all. I was to wear only dark, dull colors, at all times. The New Lady, must be heard of, spoken highly of, thought of, but not noticed.

Day Two_

If I was to be a good wife, I must follow and obey certain rules and regulations. I must wake up promptly at dawn, and begin preparing breakfast. Make sure there is enough wood for the fire. If not, go to the forest and collect some myself. Finish breakfast, and have it ready for him as soon as he wakes up. And, while he is eating gather up a horse for him as he eats his breakfast so he can run his daily errands. Have the horse ready and saddled as soon as he finishes his food. Carry any weapon or important item he might need and retrieve it for him before he departs. Upon him leaving, Take care of anything that needed to be done such as: The cleaning, The cooking, The farm animals, the crops, the categorizing of his important documents in alphabetical order, the fixing of any household object and furniture, and anything else that needed to be done. While all these rules were being said to me, there was only one that truly stuck into my head.

I was to give him sex, if he so pleased. And bear as many kids as he deemed fit.

Day Three_

Sesshomaru grabbed hold of my arm.

I looked at him with wide eyes.

"Why did you accept his offer?"

I looked down.

"Rin, I need you to help me understand why you are doing this."

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.

"You said you felt the same way..."

I nodded my head.

_His arms tightened on me. "Rin, I don't have time for this. Answer me."_

"Rin?"

My throat seemed to close and when I tried to speak nothing came out. I put my hand to my throat trying to signal to him that something was wrong, but instead he released his grip. He pulled away from me, and looked me square in the eye.

"You said you dreamed of being with me forever..."

I tried to move for him but, my body seemed to weak. My vision began to blur.

I patted my hand on my chest trying once again to signal him, but instead he turned around and walked away.

I fell to my knees. It felt as though all the oxygen in my lungs had evaporated, and I was now on the floor struggling to breath.

My eyes fly open and before I have a chance to even recall what had happened in my dream, I felt my throat close, and I began gagging. My light tan sheets were stained I bright scarlet color. Tears began forming in my eyes. Something is happening to me. And I don't know what it is. I'm scared , but I don't know what of. It keeps happening to me, and I don't know what to do,or how to stop it. And, I don't know if I should tell somebody, or..or...

I'm all alone, and I don't know what to do.

I wanted to die because I couldn't be with him, but now...

I pushed my knees to my chest, and squeezed as hard as I could. _I don't wanna die, not yet...not yet... _

Later That Evening_

I walked amidst the local villagers without notice. I wove through and around them to reacha small shamble of a house, apart from all the rest. After this morning's incident, I needed someone who I could somehow confide my trust in. Someone who knew of things completely out of the norm. Someone who knew things others would probably kill for. Who knew the fine line between True and False, Reality and Illusion, Life and Death...

I put my hand on the door and knocked three times.

I needed a_ fortune teller._

I waited for a couple seconds and thought about turning around when, a high pitched voice reached my ears.

"Why are you waiting outside, my darling when you have so many questions? If you want to return before someone at the palace notices, you had better hurry!"

I opened the door to a dim lit room, that had maybe two windows, but other than that the room was mainly lit with candles. Tall, short, wide, light, dark. There were so many different types of candles, that all had very peculiar colored flames. In the one room house, there was just a table, and two chairs. One was open, and the other was occupied by a old woman who looked as though she had lived too lives. Her skin was sagging and wrinkled, which barely clung to her lithe form.

"I'm not as old as you think, dearie."

Her high pitched luminous voice caught my attention. I bowed an apology, and looked up to her old and aged face.

"Have a seat won't you?"

I walked over to the chair and sat down cautiously. She eyed me for a moment, and as she did, I continued to observe her decaying body. Her light brown eyes looked me over as if I had something written on my face.

"You love him."

I bit my lip in confusion. "Excuse me?"

"Child, we have no such times for this. When I ask a question, you answer. You love him do you not?"

I looked at her warily, "I did."

She put a hand under her chin. "You mean 'I do.'

"I am to be married."

"Yes, Yes. I know that, But you do not wish it."

"I don't."

"Then why did you accept?"

"I had to."

"No, my dear child...you didn't have to do anything..you _chose _to."

I slammed my hands on the table furiously. "I had to! If I didn't then..Then.."

The old woman tilted her head. "Then what child? You would have been happy."

I came to a stand. "No! You don't understand!"

"Make me understand, then. You had finally found love. And was loved in return and yet you turned him down, to live a pathetic, and unhappy life here, with someone you had just tried to kill this morning!"

I put my hands up in protest. "No! I-I..I wasn't going to hurt him I-I was..He wouldn't understand what..Its not what it seems!"

The old woman stood up, she was just above my nose. Her wild gray hair flowed around her lithe form in thick masses.

"What happened this morning?"

She must have seen the confusion in my face for she stepped around the table and stood in front of me. Her eyes staring at me intensely. "What did you dream of?"

I bit my lip out of nervousness, "I-I dreamt of..."

Her voice raised an octave. "Was it him you dreamed of!"

Tears fell down faster than I could count. "Yes..."

She looked at my face as if she was looking for something else. "There is something else child! What is it child? You need to tell me now! Perhaps I can help you!"

I put my hand to my throat.

She moved a little closer. "What is it, child?"

I took a shaky breath. "I couldn't breath..."

She gave me a grave look. "I'll see what I can do. First I must touch the ailment see what is-"

As soon as she touched my neck, it felt as though her hands were fire. She yelped at the contact, and fell backwards over the chair and table. I moved over to help her up, but she began screaming.

"What is wrong with you?!"

I started at her startled. I didn't know what to say.

"There is a something so very odd about you! You are not what you seem!"

"That's why I'm here. This morning, After the dream..I coughed up _blood_.."

The old woman's eyes bulged out of her eyes like large wide saucers. She put her hand on her mouth. I began to panic. "What?! What is it? What's wrong with me?!"

A sad look came over her.

"What is it? Tell me! Why is this happenning?"

The old woman lowered her hand. _"Your bleeding from the inside out."_

"What? I don't understand! How..How..What does that mean?!"

I made my way closer to her but she just, retracted closer to the opposite wall. She spoke very softly,_ "You're dying."_

My mind began to panic."I don't understand...What are you saying?! I'm dying?! But..." I looked to the ground for answers.

"Child?"

I looked back to her.

"How _long_ have you been alive?"

I gawked at her. "What does that have to do with this? You're not making sense, old woman. Why does my-"

"Have you ever died before?"

"Yes, but that was a long time ago. What does that have to do with-

""How many times did you _die_?"

"Twice, but-"

"You were supposed to die..."

I began pacing in the small house, desperately trying to comprehend what exactly she was trying to saying.

"The first time was chance, the second was curse." I looked at her as I paced from one window to the next. "The first time half your soul had left your body, the second time most of it has also left."

"Are you saying I have no _soul_?"

The old woman nodded her head solemnly."Since that day, it has slowly left your body. I don't see how you made it this far in life." She looked up at me with solemn eyes. "Your body is warning you of your fading life."

I looked up at the ceiling. My life was over. From what she was saying, I was barely alive this whole time. I was some kind of empty shell, with no purpose that would soon fade away. As I thought about all the years I spent with Sesshomaru, the only words I can use that truly describe them are 'happy' and 'oblivious'. I was happy to be with the one who had resurrected me from death and oblivious to the fact that it had followed me this entire time. I feel as though the last couple of years didn't even happen. Like they were some kind of amazing, and adventure-filled dream that I never wanted to wake up from. This whole time...Anger flooded through my veins and boiled my blood. This whole time...Camping in the wilderness, wandering around aimlessly, playing in fields of flowers, growing up with demons..._Loving Sesshomaru..._

My life flashed before my eyes. And, I was mournful because It had been too short and had gone way too fast. I felt like I had just started to live, and now...The years that I used to claim were my best years seemed to be an illusion. I was not really living, like everyone else. I was living a false life, led by false beliefs. I could neither change or intervene in what the fates had decided. In essence, Sesshomaru had already done that. When I died the first time by wolves, he had resurrected me with his sword of healing, tenseiga, thus defying the fates. The second time, when I was dragged into hell by the hell hound, he used his mother's meidostone to save me, thus defying the fates again. Sesshomaru couldn't defy the fates a third time. _He can't save me this time_. My time was up a long time ago, it made no sense to keep avoiding it. Its ironic how feelings and emotions can change a situation completely. Because just like before when I rejected Sesshomaru, 'hope' was present. Every time I died, he and I, we hoped that he could save me, and he did. In that instance, _I believed in it more than he did._ Just as we had hoped love would keep us together, we both knew that death would somehow drive us apart. We both knew that. Its just that neither of us felt the need to state the inevitable.

"When..uhm...When will..-"

"I'm not sure. I would say three days max, if you don't overexert yourself."

I stood motionless.

"_You will suffer_."

I turned and began walking to the door.

"There will be pain!"

I kept walking.

"Pain and _immense_ heartache!"

I put my hand to the door ready to open it.

"_When the end comes...know that he will be there."_

My heart seemed to ache.

I paused. My voice came out in a whisper. _"How long?"_

There was a silence. "Long enough for it to matter."

I opened the door.

Jaken stood outside clutching the staff of two heads uncontrollably, with tears in his eyes.


	7. Atonement, Part One

Chapter Six: Atonement, Part One

I braced my self. One hand on the door, and one on its frame.

For a moment, I stood there watching jaken. His tears were falling so fast and so quick, to wipe them away would be futile. At this point, I didn't know how to console him or comfort him. He undoubtedly heard what the fortune teller had said, and is now in a state of shock. Learning that someone who you have practically grown up with is dying..that must be painful. I felt such pity for him, and such sadness that overwhelmed me to the core. Here he was, crying and shaking uncontrollably, because of my nearing life. He was torn...

"_You're dying_."

"I'm not."

Jaken nodded his head slowly. "Yes you are! That woman just said you were!"

"No, I'm not!" I could feel denial seeping into my body like a familiar old habit. He would badger me about this endlessly, but I will not give in. I refuse to accept what the fortune teller had just told me. What she said didn't make sense...Or rather...I didn't want it to. What she had said, claimed to be true but..why me? Why here? Why now? _What about him..._

"You have to tell Lord Sesshomaru!"

My heart began to race. "No!"

"Rin! This is serious! This is not one of your little games. This is your life!"

"But.."

Jaken started to step back towards the forest. He had a strange look on his face, as if he was cautious about something. I felt an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something was about to happen. I could feel it._ Something was about to happen_...My hands fidgeted with anticipation. Jaken took a glance back, then looked back at me.

I looked to the forest then back at him, he was about ten feet away from the forest, and five feet away from me.

"He's here isn't he?"

Jaken looked at the forest again.

I heard someone In the distance scream.

"Demon!"

A couple people were screaming demon, and began crowding around us.

Jaken moved back another foot. "I have to go."

I advanced a foot. "No. Not until you promise me you won't tell Sesshomaru."

A few villagers began screaming for help, thinking jaken was some sort of threat.

Jaken gave me an unsure look.

From behind me, in the old hut I could hear the old woman yelling at the top of her lungs. "_And the race is_..."

My hand reached out in attempt to grab him, "you're not gonna tell him are you?"

"_ON_!"

Jaken turned and broke out into a run in the forest. I fled as soon as he entered. I pumped my legs hard, over tree roots and vines. I pushed my hands into trees trying to gain more leverage. I was in hot pursuit, but I was no match. I probably could have beaten him in my younger days or perhaps a couple weeks ago, but not now. I was sick. _Too sick_. And him? He was determined. Nothing would falter his movements. He effortlessly ran over the forest floor, as if he were merely gliding, with the staff of two heads high above his head.

As the minutes stretched, he seemed to gain a farther distance, and would undoubtedly find Sesshomaru and tell him of the past occurance. _From a distance, Someone called my name. _I felt my muscles begin to ache, and I rapidly began to lose my stamina. I could feel my legs about to give up on me, but defeat was not an option. I had to keep going. I pushed me legs to their full extent, but it wasn't enough.

My left leg got caught on a uprooted tree.

My chest hit the ground hard, and all the air left my body.

I began withering around on the floor, flailing my arms trying to breath. I could feel the muscles in my throat begin to close and before I knew it...

There was blood all over the floor.

I lay on my side trying to regain some of my strength. The air was coming in slow, barely enough for me to sit up. My chest rose and fell slowly, to the beat of my irregular heart. My eyelids felt as though they were carrying half ton weights. _I could hear my name being called again. _From my peripheral vision, something moved, and I could hear someone walking towards me. I shifted my body to the left and laid with my back to the floor. A small green figure came into view.

Jaken knelt down next to me. "_Rin_..." He moved the hair from my face. "I didn't know it was this bad..."

My voice was hoarse as I spoke. "It's not as bad as it seems."

"Rin." I could feel his tears hitting my face. "_Why didn't you tell me_?" His voice began to crack with emotion and I did my best to comfort him. I rolled over to the side and pushed myself up. Our eyes were eye level. He looked at me with such regret. "You have to tell him."

"I will."

"_RIN_?" Someone was calling my name, and they were approaching us quickly.

Jaken looked to me, in surprise. "The humans...they're looking for you."

My heart began to pound in my ears. The humans...? why were they looking for me? My mind began going through everything that had just happened. From when I left the palace, to the fortune teller, to now. The humans...They must know...The fortune teller must have told them about what she had seen! Everyone knows! My hand began to fidget. There were two options in which I could handle this situation. One, I could either go with Jaken and seek out Sesshomaru. Or, I could go back and face the humans, in hopes that they will understand and let me leave without breaking the treaty. As much as I wanted to leave this horrid and uptight village, I could not dishonor Sesshomaru's reputation by just leaving. He didn't deserve that. He gave me too much, for me to reflect badly on him.

"_RIN_?" Me and Jaken both turned to the northeast. Someone was looking for me and they would be here any second. "_Rin? Rin, Where are you_?"

I grabbed Jakens hands in mine. "Jaken, you have to promise you won't tell him. I will tell him on my own."

Jaken opened his mouth in protest, but I cut him off. "Please jaken. Just let me cut my ties with the humans and I will meet you back here and we can leave together."

Jaken looked unsure for a moment.

"Forget the humans. Lord Sesshomaru is just outside the village. We can reach him in an hour or so. Let's leave now."

"_RIN_?"

It was Orin. Orin was looking for me. He would be here in a couple seconds...

I squeezed Jaken's hands. "Jaken I have to do this. I cannot reflect badly on our lord. Please. _Please_, let me do this."

Jaken let go of my hands and put his arms around my neck. "_Why is this happening, Rin? Why is this happening to you_?"

I had to fight back the tears. "It's just...I..." I heard the bushes rustle, orin was a mere couple of steps from us. I whispered low, into jakens small ears. "My heart couldn't..take it. I just..._I just love him too much_..."

"_Oh, Rin_."

"I will be back in an hour. Meet me here, and we will leave." I came to a stand. My muscles no longer felt so tensed. I could breathe in and out, with ease. I began walking away, in attempt to meet Orin before he saw Jaken.

Something in my stomach felt awry, and I looked back at him. The staff of two heads was on the floor, and he had his hands cradled to his heart. He made no noise, but the tears still fell. He was trying to console himself. I quickly walked back, and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll be back in an hour."

I began walking back into the forest. This time I didn't look back. For some reason..I knew I would never see Jaken again. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. That was the last time I would ever see him. I had known him my whole life. He was my companion..._He was my only friend_.

"Rin! Oh Rin! I'm so glad I found you! I was looking for you. The villagers said there was a demon in the village. I thought something had happened to you. Are you alright? Are you okay?" Orin held me in a tight embrace and although it was uncomfortable because, I didn't feel the same as him. But, because I would never see Jaken again, this hug, was a small comfort.

"Where were you?"

"I went for a walk."

He released me and looked me over for injuries. I prayed to God, that I didn't have any blood on me. To my relief, he smiled and let out a sigh.

"Well, at least I found you in time."

"In time for what?"

"The rehersal."

"What rehersal?" My mind began to panic. I knew what he was about to say. It would make this situation even more difficult.

"The wedding rehersal."

My heart began to chip and break, as he led me back to the village, towards the village church.

_The Village Outskirts

Jaken stumbled out of the bushes, falling flat on his face. Sesshomaru glanced down nonchalantly, at his vassal, then rested his head back against the oak tree.

"Jaken, If I didn't know better, It would seem as though you're crying. Has visiting Rin been _that_ overwhelming?"

Jaken scrambled to his feet. "My lord, you have to go to the village at once. Rin is in trouble. She needs your help!"

Sesshomaru made no movement.

"Please my lord! She needs you! You have to go to the village!"

"This Sesshomaru doesn't have to do anything."

"Yes you do, she-"

Jaken do not precede by telling this Sesshomaru what he has to do. Rin is no longer under my care, she will have to fend for her self."

Jaken began to cry, as he spoke, "But, you have to My lord!"

Sesshomaru remained silent.

"You are trying to act as if you don't care. But it is more than obvious that you do."

Sesshomaru opened his eyes, and looked at jaken square in the eye. "What are you implying?"

"You love her My lord. You love her and yet, you are letting her go."

"Do not think that because I am here, I harbor some infatuation for her."

"Then why are you here?"

Sesshomaru's eyes squinted in anger. "Jaken, you are below me. I do not have to explain anything to you."

Jaken shook his head with apathy.

"Jaken you're boldness will get you killed."

"With all do respect my lord, If you wanted to kill me you would have done it already. But instead you are arguing why it is you are here and not at the palace governing your lands."

Sesshomaru stared at Jaken with impassive eyes.

"She left me Jaken. She. Left. _Me_. Not the other way around."

"She did it out of love."

Sesshomaru made an amused sound. "I would beg to differ."

"She didn't want to hurt you."

"Then why did she leave, jaken? Why would she leave when I was willing to give up everything for her?"

"When she dies, she doesn't want you to have any ill will about her or the choices you have made."

"She knows that I would never forsake or regret what I have felt for her. She knows that, Jaken."

"She thought if she left, you wouldn't hurt so much. If she were to marry someone else, you would get over her and resume expanding and governing your lands. She _thought_ it was better."

Sesshomaru came to a stand. His baritone voice boomed as he spoke. "I can never just _get over her_, Jaken. **I can't**..."

"Why would she want me to forget her?"

Jaken's words carried into the breeze, and disappeared with the wind, "She did it out of _love_."

The imp sat on the outskirts of the forest crying his heart out, And

The Demon Lord disappeared into the trees whispering to himself.

"**_I would have given up everything for her_**."


	8. Atonement, Part Two

Chapter Seven: Atonement, part two

_Village Outskirts

Jaken lay on the floor, with his back to the grass, and his head to the sky.

He had stopped weeping maybe Ten or Twenty minutes ago. Perhaps Thirty. He didn't know. He wasn't keeping track. How could he?

Rin was dying.

Bleeding from the inside out.

He had neither the power or skill to help her evade it. It is what some would call impossible. Futile. But...in the back of his mind, in the depth of his heart he was wrong. There had to be a way to save her, to prolong her life...

She could be saved. He could feel it.

A cloud in the shape of a distorted moon passed by, And

A thought had occurred to him...

Sesshomaru had a sword of healing.

_Wedding Rehersal

I was to wait outside until a church official came out, and escorted me inside. My feet began to ache, from the straps of the wooden sandals too tight. It was beginning to make my ankles swell. There was a lot of shuffling from inside, and a lot of hushed talk about standing and sitting positions. I leaned on my left leg and tried to relieve some of the pressure, but that only worsened it. I was highly uncomfortable, but I couldn't complain. They at least gave me a reprieve and let me wear a casual kimono. Although, the obi was fastened extra tight to give the impression that I had a small waist, and desirable for childbirth, It was still better than wearing that wedding dress. It was highly intolerable, with its many clasps, fastens and accessories. To get a sufficient amount of air, I had to stand absolutely still, and try not to move my upper body so much with inhalation. It was a strain, but, I didn't let myself over think it. My thoughts kept going back to Jaken.

I had promised him, I would come back.

The moment flickered back in my mind.

The pain in his eyes, when he saw my blood. The forlorn hope, when I said I would return. The knowing look, when I walked away...

He knows that this will come out to be one of those situations where everyone loses. But, he didn't stop me. He let me go, and I commend him for that, because it is something I have to do. Orin, is a decent man. He deserves so much, and I am far from it. I will not have him develop feelings for me, when it will only last two, maybe three days max! That is not right...I could at least have the decency of telling him, rather than just disappearing from his life. That was the least I could do.

There were whispers about the ceremony and what will be said, and how the groom will stand, and I could feel myself become faint.

It was not from my, for lack of a better word, 'illness'. But, from the thought of walking into the church, pretending to be something I'm not, letting him down, and just walking away. It was making me sick to my stomach. I cannot recall when I had felt so much unease. It was.._stressful_. I began to over think, and over analyze my decisions, causing me to rethink this whole thing. Of course I felt guilt over Orin, and what this would do to him, but I began to think..._What about me?_ Here I am, worrying about hurting someone who has their whole life ahead of them, when I only have give or take two days!

I could feel a surge of anger climbing its way to my chest.

Orin has his entire life to get over this! I barely have two days!

I'm wasting my time...

I should be with My family...Jaken, and Ah-Uhn. I should be picking flowers, singing,trying to catch fish for dinner, and asking Sesshomaru silly questions that hold absolutely no importance! I want to go fly on Ah-Uhn's back and soar through the skies, the clouds, alongside the birds. I want to play stupid games with Jaken, and act immature just to hear him yell.

I want to follow My lord, wherever he goes, and talk to him, even when it seems he'll never respond.

My eyes began to water.

I just want to be a kid again. When things weren't this hard and I didn't have to make so many decisions. Where All I had to do was smile, and everything would go as planned.

The tears fell.

I want so desperately for things to be as they once were. Growing up didn't seem so hard until now. I wish that maybe I would have been more appreciative. Now looking back, I had It good. But, I can never reclaim what I had before. Because you can't turn back the hands of time. _You can't heal what's broken..._

I gazed at the sky.

A cloud in the shape of a distorted moon passed by...

I scratched at the straps until the came off, and ran as fast as I could through the trees.

_The Palace

Jaken ran up the grand staircase, passed the bewildered servants, and down the hall. All was heard was the pads of his feet on the wooden floors, and the huffs of his breaths as he ran with all his might down the long hall towards Sesshomaru's room. His master had long since ceased to carry Tenseiga, and decided to put it in a glass mantle above his door.

After a couple moments he had finally reached the door.

Without even attempting to try and get it from high above the door, it fell. Without any sort of saying, or attack. The lock unlatched, and it fell to the floor. For a moment jaken stared at the sword, trying to fathom what had just happened, but before he could something happened.

It pulsed.

_The Forest

I had been running for almost a half hour, before I found an open clearing. It was a vast view overlooking a ocean in the distance. A couple feet away was the edge of a cliff, that had a lonely, wilted flower, at its tip. I stared at the flower with sadness, For this wilted flower, reminded me of myself. All alone, by itself on the brink of nonexistence. I began to walk over to the flower, captivated by our unique similarities.

"I would have given up everything for you."

I turned around wide-eyed.

"Why would you want me to forget you?"

I stared into his intense gaze and found that I could barely breath. I just openly stared at him. My mouth hang open. I couldn't speak. I didn't know what to say.

"How could you want me to forget you?"

He walked over to me slowly. Like a predator does to his prey. I stood absolutely still. Unmoving.

"Answer me!"

I jerked and my heart began to beat fast. I tried to say something, but the only thing that left my lips was air.

He lowered his head, and let his bangs cover his eyes. "You played me for a fool."

"No!" As soon as the word left my mouth, he grabbed me by my shoulders.

"Then would you lead me into thinking we had shared mutual feelings only to have it thrown in my face by choosing another man?!"

His talons were starting to pierce my skin, and I began to silently cry.

"You played me for a fool!" His words sent daggers as he spoke.

My arms began to throb. As much as I didn't want to complain, I couldn't hold it in any more. "You're hurting me."

There was sorrow in his eyes as he let go. He balled up his fists and turned around.

"Where is Rin?"

I gave him a puzzled look. "What are you talking about?"

He didn't answer me. I cautiously walked over to his side. "My lord? What do you mean?" I placed my hand hesitantly over his left arm. "I am Ri-"

He pushed my hand away, almost knocking me over.

"You are not Rin."

I looked to the floor, not knowing what to say or how to respond to what he had just said. I could neither agree or disagree because I wasn't the same Rin...

"My Rin wouldn't have done this."

"My lord?"

"You are not Rin. You are a fake."

I looked at his face as he stepped closer closing the distance. His eyes looked at my hair and observed the difference from my previous hair style. "An imposter."

He turned his back to me once again.

"I do not know who you are."

"I am the same person who has loved you, before I even knew what love was."

"Lies."

Fury began to emanate my body. I had left Orin, and was finally here with the man I love trying to rectify what had happened a couple days ago, and here he is telling me I am a fake? An imposter? That I am not the same person? I admit I had did some hurtful things, made some bad decisions but deep down I am still the same person.

"Then why are you here?"

His body tensed at my question.

"My lord, now is not the time for your denial. It feels as though I have been through hell and back, and I just want a little appreciation." I could not help the anger from leaking into my tone.

Sesshomaru turned and faced me fully. "You? Hell and back? No! It is I, who as been to hell and back, and for who? You! So do not presume to tell me what you have been through, because when it comes down to it, you will never endure what I had to."

I began to step away from him, fearful that he might grab me again.

"You sound as though you regret it."

Sesshomaru took a step towards me. "No, I do not regret saving your life. Nor, will I ever regret saving your life."

Sadness came over his face, and I reached out to console him, but he leaned away from my touch. I could see a flash of lightening in my peripheral vision. There was a crackling sound in the distance.

"But, I can say I do regret letting myself give in to infatuation."

His words were like a slap in the face, to every personal moment we had ever shared together.

"W-What are you saying?"

"You are Human. I am Demon. We are too different It was a mere curiosity."He glanced away for a split second. "Nothing more than that."

I couldn't believe this! He was..How...

I took a breath. I cannot allow myself to become angry because, although it may seem ridiculous, I had hurt his feelings. I had turned him away in the most cruel way. He has the right to be angry.

I took a breath. I decided, I would explain to him my reasons, and why I did the things I did, and why I am here now, trying to plead my case before its too late. Hopefully he would understand, and take me back. But, that was hope. And, these past couple weeks it has been absent, so I can't allow myself to put all my prayers in it.

"I love you..."He stared at me intently as I spoke. "But, I didn't want to hurt you. I thought maybe if I was to marry that, you would forget about me and resume governing your lands. I-I don't know why I did that, it was irrational and stupid, but My lord! You-you are great! You are so powerful, and strong you could rule the world! I mean...You have so much going for you and you didn't need me holding you back! You were destined for great things! You shouldn't have to worry and stress about me and my stupid human...things! I'm...I...

Sesshomaru put his hand to my face and raised it upwards to his face. My tears seemed to fall faster when confronted directly by his intense gaze.

"I'm human...I'm not forever."

I tried to look away and hide my shame, but he held my face. He just stared at me openly searching for something, that would confirm whatever he was thinking. I opened myself to say something else, and his hand dropped from my face. I couldn't help from whimpering, as he retracted.

"All I wanted was you. Whether you were forever or not." His words were spoken slowly, and he emphasized every word.

I tried to wipe the hair from sticking to my face, but it would only fall back into the same spot. Hopelessness began to fall upon me as I stood in front of perhaps the only person who had truly wanted me, regardless of time restriction we had.

"I love you and I know I messed up, and I hurt you but, I- My lord..."I began to plead, "I'm sorry. I'm _so _sorry."

He looked at me impassively.

"I think it would be best If you stayed."

Stayed?

"My lord, pleas-"

"You were right. I have other things to attend to."

I began to shake my head. "No, that's not what I...I meant before! No-please my lord, I want to be with you. I don't want to be here!"

He shook his head slowly.

It felt as though I my legs were going to give out on and crumple underneath me. I couldn't let him leave me. Not this time.

"I'm dying."

He gave me a patronizing look.

"I am!"

I began to cough profusely into my hand, but nothing happened. There was no blood-not even a speck. No proof of my impending death.

I lifted my hands towards him. "I'm not lying. Sometimes I throw up blood."

Sesshomaru gave me a serious look and began walking towards the trees.

He was going to leave me. I put my hand on his shoulder in attempt to stop him. I couldn't let him leave, because if he did it might be for good.

"I seen a fortune teller! She told me I had maybe two days, three at the most."

He kept walking, not even faltered by my attempts.

"You have to believe me! I'm telling you the truth!"

"Let go."

"No! Not until you believe me!" I began to pull at his sleeves. "My lord!"

His movement was too quick. "LET GO!"

His arm pushed me back so hard that when I hit the floor, I was momentarily stunned. All I could do was stare up at him. He had never put his hands on me. I was..._shocked_. Is this what it had come to? _Force_?

He looked at the patch of grass between us. _"I would have given up everything for you."_

"My lord!"

I scrambled to my knees and begged for the man I loved to forgive me. "Please my lord, Don't leave me! _Please_! Sesshomaru, don't leave me. You can't leave me."

The rain began to fall down from the sky making it impossible to see clearly. Between the rain drops all I could see was a white figure slowly walking away. "I can't.._Please_...Sesshomaru...I don't want to die alone."

He looked down at me with that stoic look, that seemed to care for no one, including me.

"Sesshomaru..._please_."

"No."

I lurched forward, but he was too swift. Instead of clutching at his legs, I fell onto the wet floor. Mud and grass covering my whole front.

I clutched at the front of my dress. "Sesshomaru..._You're breaking my heart..._"

His baritone voice bellowed above the loud sound of the pounding rain. "As if I had it to begin with."

I couldn't believe what was happening. I let my shoulders sag as I stared at him with incredulous disbelief.

His eyes met mine for a split second.

His voice came out in a whisper.

"All I wanted was you."

I reached my hand out, but it was too late.

In two steps, the trees had obscured him from my sight.

_The Village

I didn't know where I was going. Where I was walking to. What time it was. Nothing.

Sesshomaru had left me.

The world was dark. There were no more vibrant colors and beautiful scenery. It was just dark. And, in the darkness Is where I was. I had been walking for an hour now, and I don't know where I was. I don't know what village is nearby, I don't know if there might be a demon nearby and I don't care. Why should I? My life is over. I have no reason to fear death. I have seen it twice before, why fear? Me and him are humble acquaintances. He knows me better than I know myself. _I could laugh at the irony._ But, at this moment in time, I don't think I could. Such things as Joy, Happiness, Excitement, Laughter...They are now foreign. Things that I don't understand. Things that puzzle me, because I have lost all incentive to enjoy such things. With the realization of death being pressed upon me, and the fact that I will be alone hurts. There is no medicine, or remedy that could ease the pain. I was to die alone. Fate would see to it, all I could do was accept it.

The rain fell to my face, and slid off along with my tears. I didn't realize I had been crying so long. But, at the same time, why wouldn't I? I had just lost everything that truly mattered in less than an hour, I would never see Jaken again, I had lost all emotion and feeling, and I was dying. There was no reason to sugar coat anything. My life was over. End of story.

My bare feet trudged through the mud.

In the darkness, I could see a light..Some huts...and...

A man ran up to me, and began embracing me wholeheartedly as if he hadn't seen me in years. I was not interested in who it was at the least. I didn't care. He wasn't Sesshomaru, so there was no point. The man began asking me a lot of questions. He was moving his hands around and trying to invoke a response from me. I stared at him with the same stoic look, I had received not long ago. He kept talking, and his mouth was indeed forming words, But I could care less who he was, what he wanted, and what he was saying was not important. Nothing was.

Another villager came out and tried to usher me inside. I complied.

_The Forest

Jaken ran as fast as he could through the trees, trying to hold both the tenseiga and the staff of two heads at the same time. The sword pulsed again, causing him to drop it. When he was about tp pick it up something out of the corner of his eye, caught his attention. He glanced towards the sky.

A crescent moon...

Jaken went to pick up the sword, but stopped dead in his tracks at the sight before him.

The sword had turned black.

_The Church

They led me to the front of a building, upon entering there had to be at least thirty of forty people. They were all standing around as if waiting for something. Each and everyone of them leaned in as I walked closer.

The man ushering me came and stood before me, talking to all present in the room. "She is okay. We found her just outside wandering around in the woods outside."

A woman to my left spoke. "Is she okay? She looks as though she is in shock."

A man behind her mumbled under his breath. "She looks _dead_."

The man in front of me, began speaking again. "She must be in shock..."

A woman to my farthest right spoke up. "What happened to her?"

"I don't know. She won't speak. I don't even know if she can hear me." The man answered.

"Her arms are bleeding. Was she attacked?"

The man in front lowered his head. "I don't know."

A large round man yelled to my right. "I bet it was the work of a demon!"

There was a mumble of harmonized agreements in the crowd.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't even know what was happening. All I wanted to do was just disappear and forget everything...

The man in front of me turned around and faced me fully. "Rin, I need you to tell me who did this to you."

I looked at his face, and realization dawned. It was Orin.

"Rin, I need you to tell me what happened."

I felt like crying again, but I held my composure. All I did was look at him. I felt as though I could no longer speak. As if, I couldn't even form the words even if I wanted to.

"Did he do this?"

I didn't answer him.

"Rin?!"

"Did he hurt you? Rin, you have to tell me what happened."

A man dressed in a soldiers attire raised his pike. "I say we go find the culprit!"

A group of men in a corner agreed. "Yeah!" They all raised their weapons in the air.

I shook my head no.

"I'm sorry Rin, but as a man, and as future village leader I have to agree with them."

I shook my head again.

Orin turned his back to me.

"The demon roams around in the forest. His palace is about a mile or two northwest from here. Either way we will coss paths with him"

The room broke out into yells.

"YEAH!"

"We will slay this demon!"

"This bastard doesn't know what's coming to 'em!"

"Finally some payback!"

The village soldiers began to walk out the door, ready to begin an unlawfully and unjust attack. I ran to the door and blocked it. I held my arm high on both side trying to prevent anyone from escaping.

The round man, moved forward and stood in front of me. "You dare protect a demon?"

I nodded my head.

"Over your village and over your intended?"

I nodded again.

He leaned his round face closer to my face. His black eyes scrutinizing my face. "Where's your humanity?"

I stood my ground.

A tall man came over and tried to pry my arms off the doors frame but, I held onto as tight as possible. My knuckles became white under the pressure but, I wouldn't give in. I couldn't let them go after him.

"Stop there's no need to be physical." Orin pleaded.

"Like hell there isn't!" The fat man yelled. "She's trying tp protect some demon! Jaru get her legs, and I'll get her arms!"

I tried to pull my body weight down, but it was useless. The tall man grabbed my legs in his arms and began pulling me from the door. The fat man, tried to get my hands, but I would not allow myself to yield to him. I held on, even when I began to feel splinters penetrate my skin.

"Stop! Don't hurt her!" Orin yelled. But some other soldiers were holding him back.

My grip began to weaken and without warning, the fat man pushed onto my chest in attempt to force me to let go.

It worked.

_The Forest

Sesshomaru walked silently through the forest. With his eyes focused ahead, he tried to make sense of what had just happened.

He had just rejected Rin.

Pain was not a word.

How could he abandon her? How could he accuse her of being an imposter? How could he deny her, when she was so willing to be with him again? Sesshomaru was torn between his deepest desires and his pride. He wanted nothing more than to turn around, take her from that mediocre village and claim her as his, But..._Why_? Why should he? He is a most powerful lord, who has more important and pressing things to worry about. He has a life to live, a legacy to secure, and a destiny to fulfill. One, Simple, Human girl should not be at the fore front of his thoughts. Sesshomaru let out a stressed sigh, he didn't know he was holding. He looked to the sky, in search of something to assure him that he had made the right decision.

There was a crescent moon.

She had said she was dying...

There was a beating sound; Sesshomaru snapped his head in the direction.

Tenseiga was calling him.

_The Church

I fell to my back hard. It literally knocked the air out of me. I felt as though I would suffocate right here on the floor. I began scratching at my throat and pounding on my chest. I couldn't breath! There was no air! My body began twitching from lack of oxygen. My forehead began to sweat as I struggled to breath. I turned onto my stomach and got to my knees. I tried to crawl to someone to help me, but they kept pulling back from my touch; Even Orin. He looked at me in fear. I felt an unease pang in my chest, and I leaned over my knees.

For a moment I blacked out.

I opened my eyes; There was blood all of the floor. I had never seen so much blood at one time. It was a large puddle in front of me. I looked up; Everyone was staring at me. No one made a move. The women huddled in the corner, and covered their mouths with their hands in disgust. The soldiers looked flabbergasted, and Orin? Orin was beside himself.

My throat began to stiffen, and became unbearably dry. I began coughing into my hands.

All that could be heard was the hoarse sounds of my coughing. No one dared to speak, let alone make a noise.

I slowly and hesitantly moved my hands away from my face. They were covered in blood.

Someone gasped.

I looked up, all the soldiers had their weapons at ready. A fair skinned man a couple feet away was the first to speak up. "We need to kill the demon, before he curses us all!"

There was a lot of mumbles, and many nodded their heads in assent. I gathered all the strength I could and came to a stand.

I shook my head no.

"Do not try and stop us wench! You are to badly injured to put up a fight."

"Yea!"

"We will kill the demon before he exacts his revenge upon us!"

The crowd yelled in unison with him.

I turned and glanced outside to see if I even had a chance of making it.

There was a crescent moon.

I turned back towards the villagers.

They were closing in on me. Each looking at me with malice in their eyes.

I turned in one quick moment and dashed as quick as I could into the night.

_The Forest (Jaken)

Tenseiga stood with its point to the floor, and its hilt in the air.

Jaken could do nothing more than stare. He didn't know whether to try and grab it or let it be. Of course Rin was in danger but, he had never seen tenseiga like this before. It was very _unusual_. It still hadn't stopped beating. Every other second there was a loud beating sound like a heart beat. Thumping, and thumping. Jaken reached out towards the hilt, but when his hand was close enough the sword gave off a loud piercing sound, causing him to drop to his knees. It started to get louder, with every beat, and the imp was at a loss at what to do. He could go and find his master, but he couldn't leave such a great sword in the middle of the forest. He could try and grab the sword but, he didn't want the beating to get louder. It was already causing him great pain. Jaken clutched at his ears, trying to numb some of the pain the sword was giving him.

There was small sounds along with the heartbeats.

Jaken looked up; Sesshomaru stood in front of his sword with his hand out.

Jaken watched in awe and in fear, for he did not want to hear the piercing sound of the sword again. Sesshomaru grasped his sword by the hilt; The pulsing started to slow.

Jaken looked up at his master. Sesshomaru had a bewildered look on his face. Tenseiga's pulsing began to slow.

Sesshomaru stood still and listened to his sword. Jaken looked on in confusion.

He opened his mouth to question what was happening, but he wasn't quick enough.

Sesshomaru disappeared into a ball of light.

_The Forest

It felt as though I was barely running. My energy was rapidly draining me, and I couldn't feel my feet anymore. After a half hour of running, My toes and heel started to become numb with every step. I tried to focus not on my pain, but on the task at hand-Sesshomaru.

Even though I left before the other villagers, they were slowly and steadily catching up to me. I could hear their yells, and protests behind me. If I could just find Sesshomaru everything would be okay. He would forgive me. Take me away from here, and we could be together. Although it wouldn't be a long time spent together, it was better than nothing, and I desperately wanted to be with him again. Life was becoming increasingly hard with every minute and I couldn't bear it anymore. I was tired of trying to fit in with humans, Act more humanly, and change my appearances to be more human. I am so tired of being something I'm not. I just want to...I want to stop. I don't want be that girl that everybody wants. The perfect girl that they try to mold me into. _I'm so tired of it..._

I just want to be Rin.

The numbness began to spread up to my thighs, and I started to become overcome with fatigue. But, I couldn't stop. I couldn't slow.

Sesshomaru was at stake. I would run until I couldn't anymore.

"There she is! I can see here!"

"She's just ahead!"

"She'll lead us right to him!"

My heart began to race. I was already over exerting myself, and this was no help. If they were in hearing distance then that meant, they were close. They were fit, and in perfectly good shape, they would no doubt reach me in a matter of minutes.

I kept my eyes forward. It was dark and I could barely see what was in front of me. My legs felt as though they would give out, and my heart felt as though it was failing me.

My vision began to blur and I could have sworn...I could have _sworn_, I seen Sesshomaru in front of me, turning his back. But, when I blinked again, he was gone. I tried to call out for him, but I couldn't find my voice. I tried to yell for him! Yet, nothing came out. My thoughts began to go back ten years ago, when we had first met. I remember he had told me not to bother bringing him human food, so I went to my hut to bring him some of the candies I had been saving for a rainy day. I was going to give it to him in hopes to make him feel better, because he was hurt so badly, but...There was a man in my hut...

My running began to slow.

The memories are choppy after that. I recall a demon...and, _wolves_...

I could feel my heart became erratic.

The wolves...I was running. And,...I remember the wolves were right behind me...

"There she is!"

"Catch her!"

They were drooling at the mouth and Sesshomaru...I tried to find him and I...

I was so scared...I was trying to find him...They were looking for him and I-I had to save him! They were going to...

"Catch her!"

I wanted to find him so bad...

I tripped over an uprooted tree.

I fell to the ground with great force. Its just like before. Ten years ago, the same thing happened. This time instead of wolves, it was humans. My own 'kind' was trying to attack me. It was kind of ironic. To think that all these weeks of trying to be like them, they would try to harm me. But, this is to expect with such things as human. They are lowly, and ignorant. They don't know any better.

I lay on the wet ground, with my face in the mud. Torches came into my view and surrounded me. From my view, all I could see where legs, and feet.

"Hmmm. It seems the curse has taken its toll."

"I wonder how long she has?"

"I'd give it an hour. Maybe two at the most."

"Ya' think the demon knows what's happened?"

"Hmmm. Could be."

"Should we finish her off?"

"I don't know...What do you think?"

There was a silence.

There was a sharp pain to my chest, as the man kicked me. He nudged my body over with his feet. "I'm talkin' to you wench! Do you think your life's worth livin'?"

My mouth filled with blood. A man came to my side, and turned my face so that I could spit. I looked at him with dead eyes. Even at my lowest point, at least Orin had the kindness to help me.

A tall man, with unruly hair grabbed Orin by the back of his hakama. He yanked him up and tossed him back. "Don't give her kindness you fool! She has put our village into great danger!"

"Indeed!"

"You are going too far! She's dying! She needs help!"

"Shut up boy, before I make you!"

"It's your fault we are in such a predicament!"

"Yeah!"

"Your father should have never agreed to a treaty with a demon!"

Their talk was becoming less and less clear. It began to become less distinct, and seemed to be nothing more than a irritating noise.

"I say we leave her here and go back to the village to ready our weapons for the demon."

"Here, here!"

"Let her stay here and suffer!"

"She has brought danger to us, she does not desire to have a quick and painless death. Let her suffer!"

The Villagers began to retreat back to their village leaving me on the ground. I turned slightly to the side. I could see Orin, being dragged away by some soldiers. He was trying to escape their clutches, but it was to no avail. They held him by both arms, ushering him back. Even with my distorted vision, I could still see his face clearly. He was crying, and screaming my name. When he was almost out of view, he mouthed out 'I'm sorry'. At this I smiled. Amongst everything that had occurred in the last day, Orin was still as nice and decent as the day I met him.

When they were completely out of view, I began to think.

I would have never guessed that my life would have ended up like this.

Never in a million years...

Its funny how one day, you can be perfectly happy without a care in the world and in the next..One decision can change everything and every one you know.

I wish I had knew that...

I began to blur in and out of reality.

My heart was beating ever so slow...

I could barely open my eyes. It was starting to become a difficult task to keep reopening them.

My thoughts began to drift to what the fortune teller had said. She said there would be pain and immense heart ache. I would have three days, if I didn't overexert myself. Its been less than a day, But I cannot fault her for that. I was over exerting myself this _entire_ day. But, that isn't what I was thinking of.

She had said, he would be here...

My body was failing me. I do not have long. And, yet...He is not here.

He is not here when It matters most! When I need him!

Tears began to form, at the corners of my eyes.

All this time..I've wasted so much time, and I'm tired...I just want to...

I want to sleep, and not wake up. My life is not how it was suppose to be. And, I'm tired of living it. I'm tired of wanting something I can't have, and waking up everyday wishing I was a little girl again. I-I...Life is _so _hard, and I tried to do the right thing, and be a good person, but...Why did it happen like this? My life wasn't suppose to happen like this. I wasn't suppose to be on the floor dying, all alone...That happened already! _Why is this happening to me..._

I let the numbness engulf me.

I used to think that if I prayed hard enough, all my dreams would come true...

I know it seems silly now, but...

I used to dream about being with him forever...

My eyes began to fade and everything was going white.

All I wanted was him...

I felt my body being pushed upwards. I looked up through foggy eyes.

He stared at me with those deep, intense golden eyes.

I smiled.

All I wanted was him. And, for him to love me...That's all...

I let myself succumb to the white.

No worries you guys, this isn't the end of the story.

-Hayley


	9. In the End

"He has changed into something awful, only by hiding his face."

Chapter Eight: In The End

The blood on the front of her kimono caught his attention first. Without hesitation he was at her side, slowly lifting her body upwards. There was a gentle breeze and Sesshomaru could smell the scent of sadness, rippling in waves around her. The kimono she wore was torn, ripped and bloodied. It was damp from rain, and clung to her form, for dear life. Sesshomaru looked to her face,

It was the epitome of Sadness.

Half of her face was caked in mud, and the other was marred with scratches and cuts. Her eyebrows were knitted together as if she were willing something to happen. Her mouth was parted, as she bit the corner of her mouth, and her eyes…

They were looking at something in the distance.

Sesshomaru opened his mouth to say something, but as he did, she looked to him quickly. For a long moment she stared at him. Her eyes piercing into his soul, no doubt cursing him for leaving her in the first place. Then, her eyes softened.

"Rin, I.."

She smiled a beautiful, ethereal smile one last time, before looking past him and into the distance.

A moment passed.

Then another.

Sesshomaru looked from her face to her chest; It was no longer rising.

Panic crept into him as he searched her frantically for any signs of life. He looked into her eyes but found nothing there; She was gone.

He tried to listen for her heartbeat, but could not concentrate. The reality of her death was starting to ease into his mind. He was finding it hard to breath, let alone think. His mind became clouded with so many things, he couldn't make a rationalized decision on what to do.

There was a sharp inhale of breath, behind him.

He turned to see Jaken standing there with wide, questioning eyes. Jaken looked from Rin's crumpled form to his master. Sesshomaru looked back at him, with the face of a broken man. No longer was his face distant, cold and stoic-but, panicked and filled with despair. He could tell that right now was the most vulnerable his master has ever been. He let the staff of two heads slip from his grasp as he went over to the nearest tree and began mourn for his fallen friend.

Sesshomaru bowed his head and closed his eyes trying to calm himself, and regain some control. There was a whimpering sound, next to him. The imp was curled with his back to him, and mumbling to himself. In between the muffled cries he was mumbling,

"I shouldn't have let you go…I am so sorry….I should have made you come back with me when I had the chance…I am sorry, Rin…I am so sorry.."

Sesshomaru's eyebrows began to knit together, in frustration.

"I should have never left you…"

Sesshomaru began to feel something in the pit of his stomach. It was a hot feeling that seemed to rise into his chest. It manifested in the core of his being, and started to radiate into his limbs. His skin seemed to burn with such intensity, the more he let reality set in.

A large gust of wind whipped past Jaken, and he turned to see a horrific scene before him.

Sesshomaru and Rin were surrounded by a pink tornado of wind. Sesshomaru's demonic aura began to pollute the air; Trees browned, and flowers wilted as the tornado seemed to enlarge. Jaken walked a couple steps to get a better look, but paused when he heard the low, possessive growl of his master.

Sesshomaru's face was towards the sky, and it seemed as though he was in pain. His eyes were crimson, and dialated. The markings on his face were no longer elegant streaks, but jagged markings. His mouth was pulled back in a feral snarl-Fangs bared as he clenched his teeth. His platinum locks were standing on end around his form. Jaken squinted his eyes, to make out where Rin's body was; He didn't have to look far. Sesshomaru gripped her body to his, with such possessiveness that Jaken took a step back. His talons were elongated and were piercing her skin, as he began to squeeze her harder against him. The tornado began to emit so much pressure that Jaken had to stand behind a tree for protection. The wind started to thrash so wildly, that it became utterly unbearable.

Then, it stopped.

Jaken peeked from behind the tree.

Sesshomaru stood at Rin's side, with his head bowed. There was a fury laying in his chest waiting to be released, and a voice inside his head was coaxing him to give in.

Jaken watched, as Sesshomaru's hands began twitching anxiously. He kept moving his head to the side, as if he were trying to knock something off his shoulder without using his hands.

Sesshomaru could feel his demonic rage take over. His vision faded from reality, to red every other second. His breath was coming in shallow, and uneven. He closed his eyes one last time, trying to concentrate on self control; Determined not to let his demonic side take over.

"I can't.._Please...Sesshomaru...I don't want to die alone."_

The image of her on the floor, all muddied begging him not to leave her.

"Sesshomaru..._You're breaking my heart..._"

The demon within, clawed at his insides.

"I can't live forever..."

His pupils dialated.

"What about after I die? What will you do?

The wind stopped.

"What if I die again?"

Silence.

"I will cope with it as best as I can."

Sesshomaru let out a bestial roar, that echoed through the forest.

_The Village

A scrawny soldier, gripped his pike closer to his chest. "Did you hear that?"

The man next to him turned to the forest. "Hear what?"

"That sound...It was like nothing I have ever heard."

The shorter soldier waved his hand in dismissal. "Probably a wild boar."

The taller man shook his head. "I don't think so."

"Jin, why are you getting' all worked up for? Stop worrying about what's back there and help me with the torches."

"I dunno, Lu…I have a funny feeling…I think we should go and get that girl. She might still be alive."

Lu turned and gave his friend, and gave him a mocking look. "Are you kidding? Go and save her? For what? Look at the trouble she's brought us. She deserves to get what's coming to her."

"Lu, she's just a kid though. I mean what if it was Sai?"

"Well its not! My daughter knows better than to cross paths with a demon."

Jin decided not to press the issue and turned started to gather wood for the torches.

"If 'ya ask me, I hope she dies a miserable death. In fact, I hope the bo-"

Jin turned to see why his friend had stopped speaking.

His body was laid on the floor in an awkward position, as his head lay several feet in the other direction. Jin, opened his mouth to yell. A green light flashed and his body fell to the floor.

Sesshomaru walked into the clearing, with purpose in every step. A passerby took one look at him and began screaming.

"Demon! Demon! He's Here!"

Sesshomaru let a deviant smile cross his features. He decided he would let them scramble about and try to prepare themselves for his attack. But, little did they know, it was not an attack, but a celebration. For they are the very few to experience such power. These few humans who gather with their torches, pikes, and swords dare think they will even come within five feet of him. Oh, what ignorance. What unbridled stupidity. Sesshomaru let the amusement fall from his face, and replaced it with a predatory glare. He looked from human to human; With each glance they cowered.

A small breeze passed by. Sesshomaru inhaled deeply. The strong scent of fear hovered in the air. He nodded his head in approval. He would enjoy this 'celebration'. He would savor every single emotion that displayed across their features; This would be a glorious day, forever mentioned as a unyielding massacre, a catastrophic event, a chaotic occurrence. These humans would know in depth the repercussion of their actions.

The humans formed an arc around the demon lord, each holding their weapons high-ready for attack.

Sesshomaru squinted his eyes through the darkness, "Jaken."

Jaken walked out from the bushes and came to a stand by his master. "Yes, My Lord?"

"No life will be spared."

Jaken looked from his master to the humans.

"You are my only friend Jaken, I have no other."

Jaken raised the staff of two heads. "Yes sire, I will follow your lead."

Sesshomaru placed his hand on the hilt of tokijin, and elegantly pulled it from his sash.

"Men, ready your weapons!"

Sesshomaru inhaled deeply.

"DRAGON STRIKE!"

A blue dragon erupted from the sword, and pounced on the humans; They were electrocuted to the core. Jaken came forward and called for the staff of two heads. The head sent blue flames onto the bodies, charring and turning them to ash. More humans came from huts-This time with long barreled guns. They kneeled on the floor, trying to insert the gun powder into the weapon to attack. Sesshomaru staked the tip of tokijin into the ground. He raised his arm, and in one gentle motion eight bodies lay dismembered. A man tried to give a surprise attack and shoot from the side, but was easily stopped. As the bullet left the barrel, Sesshomaru's acidic whip split it into two, along with the man's body.

Sesshomaru grabbed tokijin's hilt and began walking towards the center of the town. As he did Jaken ran from hut to hut, setting the houses on fire. There were ear piercing screams as people were burned alive. But, they were paid no heed. They left Rin to die in the woods, so he will leave them to die as well.

They had brought this on themselves.

The villagers began to regroup and come together in the center of town. They encircled the demon lord as he stood tall, and unmoving.

More screams were heard in the distance behind them as more people were being torched alive.

The villagers raised their weapons and began to charge. In less than an instance, Sesshomaru had stuck tokijin's blade into the body of one man. The others stopped in their tracks. He pulled the sword from the man's body and raised his sword, ready for another challenge. The remaining men dropped their weapons and began to run in the opposite direction. But, It was of no use. There efforts were futile.

Jaken ran to the next hut, and tapped his staff on the floor, releasing large, blue flames. He made sure he directed it at the door so they wouldn't be able to escape. A young boy ran to the window, and pleaded with him for help. Jaken simply looked at the boy. The flames licked at the back of the boy's legs, and he screamed and cried at the top of his lungs for help. Jaken looked at the boy, in sympathy but did not help. He walked to the next hut, tapped his staff, and watched as it became engulfed in blue flames.

Sesshomaru glided to the closet person, and struck Tokijin in his back. Within a second he moved to the next, this time impaling him in the side of the head with the sword. He feet barely touched the floor as he moved to the next person. The woman was short and stubby; Her grey hair flailing around as she ran. Sesshomaru hovered above, and pulled her hair roughly, cracking her neck. As his body lowered to the ground, he raised his other hand and whipped Three villagers who were close to entering the woods. Realizing that there was no way to escape, the few that remained, huddled together with their backs to each other. He walked towards them, eyeing them with disgust.

A large man came forward and lowered himself to his knees.

"Please, Lord Sesshomaru. Do not kill us, we had no part in what happened to her."

Sesshomaru watched as the village leader pleaded for the remaining life of him, and his people.

The Village waved his hands frantically. "It's not what it seems! We have done nothing wrong!"

Sesshomaru raised his hand, letting his palm face upwards at them.

The Village leader bowed his head in apology. "Please, have mercy!"

A distant memory pushed to the forefront of Sesshomaru's thoughts.

She let out an aggravated noise. "My lord!"

"Rin..."

"You make it sound so easy."

"It is."

"But its not...What if I die again?"

I pulled her into an embrace. Her arms clung to me, desperately hoping that what I was saying was true.

"I won't let that happen."

The Village leader pounded his fists in the ground. "Please! I beg you!"

Sesshomaru looked at the huddled humans, each had fear etched deep into their eyes.

Rin's voice carried onto the breeze._"..My Lord, please..I don't want to die alone.."_

The man bellowed out to the Demon Lord. "SHOW US MERCY!"

There was a short pause as another breeze wafted by.

"No."

An acidic showered onto the humans. The demon Lord stood regally as their bodies melted and blended into a pile of blackened carcasses. From the side a couple humans ran behind houses trying to escape unnoticed.

Sesshomaru let his predator side take over as he pounced on every single human that tried to flee. With each kill, there was this satisfying feeling that seemed to bring him perverse pleasure in taking their life. After every human was taken down, he could still sense more people were still hiding. He gazed from one side of the village to the other, when Jaken caught his eye. He was standing in front of a hut with the staff of two heads, held up, but his movements were _awkward_.

Jaken cowered as his master walked up to him. "What seems to be the problem?"

Jaken looked at the ground then at his master. "It is a hut full of women."

Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes. "I do not care."

Jaken looked to the women in the hut who held their hands to their chest in prayer, that they would somehow survive this ordeal and continue on with their life.

"Jaken!"

Jaken looked up at his master.

"Leave no survivors."

Jaken lowered his head as he tapped his staff on the floor. The staff erupted blue flames once again, and began to slowly cover the house.

Sesshomaru turned around to see someone in the distance approaching him. Although he had no need to use his sword, he pulled it from his sash and held it at his side. When the figure came a little closer, Sesshomaru recognized it instantly.

"Orin."

Orin nodded his head as he moved closer. His face solemn, as he approached.

"Are you here to redeem your death?"

Orin straightened his shoulders, and nodded his head. He kneeled to the floor, and turned his head to the side, in open permission. For a moment Sesshomaru thought about letting him go. He was brave unlike his fellow peers. He knew he was severely outmatched and instead of running away like a coward, he came and faced it like a man. Sesshomaru lowered his sword indecisively.

"I don't want to die alone…"

Sesshomaru's movement was swift, as Tokijin slay yet another.

Jaken watched as Orin's body hit the ground hard, and his head rolled over to the side.

A scuttling sound towards the edge of the village. Sesshomaru looked to the side, a small girl of about Four, looked at him with steady eyes. She did not scream, nor run, or even cry. She remained still under his gaze, not moving a muscle. He could easily flick his wrist and her life would be over, but for some reason he stilled his hand. She had dark eyes, that complimented with her dark hair, but clashed with the paleness of her skin.

"I dream about being with you forever."

Sesshomaru turned from the girl to the sky. He could hear her small feet retreating into the trees, then picking up the pace as she ran. The thought seemed to sadden him. Rin's entire family, and village had been killed, leaving her an orphan. And, here he was committing the very same thing; That small girl, will grow up alone, and live a hard life, because of what he had done. He felt pity for the girl, but he cannot change what has been done, not that he wanted to. These human's signed their death warrant the moment the abandoned Rin in the forest. Sacrifices had to be made, regardless of the outcome.

For a moment He stood motionless as he observed his surroundings. There were a little more than Two hundred bodies, not counting the numerous bodies that laid charred in the huts. Men, Women, and children alike felt the fury that is the Demon Lord of the West. This moment will go down in history, it will be remembered. And, it was all for the sake of a human girl.

Jaken began to cough copiously as the smoke started to cloud the air. The flames began to connect and started to spread into the forest.

"My Lord, I think we should depart now, the fire is increasing into some sort of frenzy."

Sesshomaru faced the destruction, that was once a village. It was all burnt to the ground, and yet the flames still stretched high into the night sky. The black smoke hovered above the village in an ominous cloud.

"Do you not think this scene is appropriate?"

Jaken looked to his master, but did not answer.

He closed his eyes momentarily. In the darkness he could see her large, hopeful eyes looking at him.

"What if I die again? What will you do?"

Sesshomaru opened his eyes, to the pandemonium he had just released.

His own voice trespassed into his thoughts_."I will cope with it as best I can."_

He turned on his heel, and began walking back into the forest.

For once Jaken didn't follow behind. He looked from body to body, hut to hut, wondering if all of it was necessary. If killing all these people, just for the sake of one human girl, was worth it. There had to be more than several hundred dead bodies. He loved Rin, like his own child, but...was she worth so many lives?

He looked to Sesshomaru's retreating form.

_"My heart couldn't..take it. I just...I just love him too much..."_

Jaken let the thought leave him. Whether he thought it was right or wrong, mattered not. Because, what was between them was beyond infatuation, beyond lust and petty feelings. It was something deep, that he couldn't even begin to understand.

Jaken watched his master disappear into the night before returning his gaze to a field of blue flames.

Sesshomaru stopped in the middle of the forest, and gazed up at the moon.

An image of a small raven haired girl, playing with tombstones came to his mind.

"When I die…Will you remember me?"

The Demon Lord, let his features soften at the sound and thought of her voice.

"How could I forget?"

**Memoirs of A Ningen Girl**


End file.
